There is a very loving, gentle, patient kind sort of woman I am running into quite a bit recently. And I am sad for her.
In fact, they have been my prime clients for about a decade.
This woman isn’t disagreeable. She isn’t loud. She’s powerful. She accomplishes a lot. She is creating her own visions and manifesting her own dreams.
And, when she is with me, she tells fascinating compelling stories about how loving and charitable or smart she is and about how she helps people and never would be offensive.
And it’s there I lose her.
Language becomes ineffective with women for one of two reasons:
- A smart woman is [unconsciously] defending her egoic identity through language. Either by: preventing debate or challenge by volume, justifying her weaknesses and failures and fishing for sympathy, or distracting from the thing that would actually help her grow and solve the problem she is discussing.
- Or, this same woman can also have so much repressed erotic/life energy seeking a conduit that she uses her voice in a small way to s-l-o-w-l-y let out the energy that has no other expression.
So, very often, I use a particular command for these women.
It helps them tremendously.
I once sat at lunch with a woman like this without her uttering a word. We dropped in so deeply together. I felt her so much more powerfully. All because I took away her primary ego defense.
Sometimes I’ll just hold up a finger and she will stop in mid-sentence. She knows it’s time to be silent and listen. She has agreed to surrender her egoic identity or who she thinks she was when she was using words to express herself.
And, sometimes, she will start to cry.
Because she is seeing what is underneath the wall of words: the pain, the fear…whatever it is. And because the wall has come down, the emotions can come out. Then, the “compulsion” she feels to fill the space with language just evaporates all on its own.
Simple tools are very very powerful.
3. I will allow myself to be interrupted by you.