Category Archives: Potpourri

Trance-Formation: The first step

I am integrating all parts of me at the moment and know how powerful hypnosis is for personal, powerful change. I’ve used it with myself and others to accomplish miraculous things.

I am starting a new series of files to support the personal change work of those who are looking for change with me and this is the first one. Not sure how many ‘intro’ files I am going to create, but this is a decent one for a first start.

If you are interested in hypnosis, letting go, surrender, my influence, and/or training more deeply for personal change, this is a great one to try and practice. Link below.


The Birth of Christo-Tantrism

I invented my own religion two days ago.

I founded it.

Or, created it.

(What phrase does one use for that, anyway?)



  1. None of the existing religions provide everything that I need for spiritual and emotional growth.
  2. I desire community and a structure for that community.
  3. I see the value of establishing some structures to be able to hold content and context and provide experience.

What am I going to do with my new religion?


The deeper I go in my search for truth, the more different it looks than anything which is out there.

Our world is not only fake and plastic. It’s also evil, demonic, satanic, luciferian, and wrong.

So I am going to correct that.

Perhaps all alone.

Religion is able to reform everything. A religionist can and should speak about all of life. I recently read an article where the author made the point that in the Eastern languages, there is often no word for religion. Historically, this is because everything was religion.

We live in the opposite time–Where everything happens ostensibly with ‘no’ spiritual context. Not: “What would God think about this?” No: “What do I think God thinks about this?” No, “Let’s pray about it.” No, “What do the holy books or the spiritual teachers say?”

We pretend that our addiction to the types of thinking and acting that are destroying the world have nothing to do with spirituality.

In reality, we have unconscious spiritual contexts.

And that is incredibly dangerous. To not know what you are devoted to is to float upon the water with no mooring. You could arrive anywhere. And maybe there are times in life when you want to drift. But if you do that your whole life–without consciously focusing your energy and direction anywhere, where will you end up?

I feel like Goldilocks.

I have spent almost three decades in the ‘too cold’ ice bath of repressive fundamentalist religion.

I have spent another decade floating in the ‘too hot’ structureless, reactive world of New Age spirituality, with some Eastern thought and modern additions thrown in.

Both worlds have their advantages. There are ideas and concepts that are valuable to personal growth and development on both sides.

But, as Jesus said, “Strait is the gate and narrow is the way that leads to life. And few there be that find it.”

The life Jesus described consists of constant course correction.

This new religion is an attempt to provide some guide rails and handholds to the straiter way. Not too rigid and not excessively, permissively anything-goes.

I find that even I need these rails and reminders.

I was aware that in leaving the institutionalized religion of my youth, I would be leaving the ‘safe road’ with guardrails and lots of signage. But that road had become too boring and limited.

As I have immersed myself deeply in one aspect of the way, I found myself bouncing back toward the opposite wall over and over.

Without any context or conceptual framework myself for my spiritual journey…I didn’t have anything safe to hold on to.

True to form, eventually, I did fall and hurt myself in the signless wilderness of exploration. And some of those wounds took quite some time to recover from.

In one way, I guess ‘my’ religion is an attempt to provide some signage and to clear paths for those who want to go off the beaten track without needing to climb Everest without a sherpa.

What’s so Great about Christianity?

Jesus is one obvious answer. A simple reading of the Gospels by any neutral person has to result in wonder for the stories about the man who populates them.

It is obvious that his character contains supreme wisdom, insight, goodness, love…indeed all of the virtues focused in a perfect life.

Our humanity sees this. It rejoices in it. And if it were only these stories, it would be a massive support to our own journey to develop our own happiness through virtue.

But there are also miracles and a resurrection, pointing to something beyond simple moral living and good ideas about living together.

Christianity does a great job of preaching Jesus and Him crucified and resurrected. Where it encourages “Christian living” as well as prayer and study of the holy word, it supports hundreds of millions in finding deeper meaning and joy in their lives.

What is Missing in Christianity?

Christianity as practiced has a couple drawbacks:

First, the context of the community in which Jesus’ messages were given did not have unlimited latitude. That is, not everything could be said to everyone. Thus, the Bible can be a fantastic start on a path to spiritual progress. And, once we unite with God, we can get whatever information we need through the Spirit. The “letter kills and the Spirit gives life” after all.

A second: the mindset, culture, and context of the current [Christian] world.

Specific strands of Christianity took over and held sway through the centuries. Their traditions became even stronger than the written text. Thus there have been periods of renewal and reformation, from peaceful to bloody.

New extensions and corrections to basic Christianity have led to the comical present where Christianity is divided into dozens of major subgroups and thousands of different denominations.

Which one holds the true authority, and correct interpretation of the Bible?

This question has plagued seekers through the ages.

Fixing Christianity

In my searches for truth, I have found that many cultural and historical inaccuracies needed to be released. I needed to ‘unlearn’ a plethora of ideas that have been bolted on or inherited, while clinging to some of the basics: becoming as a child, seeking the Kingdom of God, learning and living in love.

Curiously, the places where I find that we as a Christian culture carry the most soul and life-destroying baggage is around the ideas of sexuality, intimacy, and relationships.

In line with the “Christian Hedonist” John Piper, I believe that following God results in our happiness, and that our happiness, joy, peace, and rest is a direct result of following God’s will in our lives.  

If we are not experiencing happiness and joy, perhaps we are not following God’s will in something?

This was a shocking thought…but I knew after 27 years of conventional religion that I could not just white-knuckle it through another 27+ miserable years to get to heaven. I didn’t think God wanted me to do that, and so I considered that those who claimed to be teaching me His commands did not know as much as they said they did.

The journey to learn about such basic things as my body, my emotions, my sensations, and my relationships took me to places which I would have never been able to reach within almost any Christian context.

Yes, I made many mistakes along that path as well, but isn’t that part of learning?

I wish I had had more guidance and information in exploring the worlds which my Christian upbringing had been curiously silent about. That said, I did find what I was looking for.

“I am come that they might have life, and that more abundantly.”

What is an abundant life if not for joy, happiness, even pleasure and connection and meaning and depth with others?

In what ways have our interpretations of holy writ limited the joy in our lives and in which ways can we learn to listen to God to reclaim them?

Not only do I not believe that we must believe God to find joy, connection, and pleasure–but God wants us to both individually and as a community learn from Him to find these.

What is right with Eastern Religions and the New Age movement?

Although they are by no means synonymous, Eastern Religion and the New Age world (as one experiences it in the West) has one overriding attraction to those of us damaged by the judgement of Christians: no judgements.

The message there is that, whatever you do (and whoever you are), You Are OK. Whatever your desires, identity, labels, or actions–you can be alright just as you are.

That is a fantastic breath of fresh air from those of us who have been choked in the repressive and judgmental closets of fundamentalist Christianity.

No one really asked me who I was or what I wanted there. No one encouraged me to express myself. No one really liked it when I did: I was once censured for playing air guitar at a church dance. Some aren’t allowed to dance at all.

Within such narrow confines: Short hair, white shirt, black suit…and a litany of confusing “rules”,

it was hard to find myself or express myself in ways that would give me joy.

After a decade of it, I had to admit my own unhappiness.

So, welcome the world of tie-dye and pot brownies and gender fluidity and acceptance for alternative lifestyles…

I was free! At last.

No one cared what I wore or how long my hair was or whether I said ‘bad’ words in my search for myself or who I had sex with (I wasn’t even allowed to have sex with myself in the old place).


Where do E. Religions and the New Age hit their limits?

Precisely because there was no code of conduct, no standards whatsoever, this resulted in other problems.

Concepts such as ‘honesty’ and ‘truth’ were often very flexible. How do you build a safe community if you have no clear definition of lying or stealing or even sexual assault?

The result is that some people used the extreme license of these communities for abusive and violent actions. Worse, when they were called upon by members of the community to fess up, make amends, or change, they simply moved to the next similar community to find more victims.

In addition, the values of each person still existed in the NA world, but were radically different. They were unspoken and generally unconscious.

So, in the New Age world, I saw people who were constantly being offended and violated by others with no way to move toward understanding or reconciliation.

There was no yardstick of behavior at all to compare to.

What first appeared as so inclusive and loving ended up being dangerous and exclusive, with small cliques building up walled gardens around their particular (unspoken) value sets and all of the goals of personal development and expression taking a backseat to trying to defend these small fiefdoms against the constant encroachment of those who would violate said boundaries.

As a result, the New Age world was even more lonely for me than the institutionalized religious one. I suspect that is true for many people.

Without some shared values, methods of conflict resolution, or even intended path and goals, it is quite confusing and difficult to build a community of love. Deep wisdom and some structure is required.

Combining the Two

So, what if we combine the acceptance and non-judgement of the Eastern religious world with the clarity and perfect standards of Jesus?

What if we unite prayer and meditation?

Sacrifice with allowance?

Faith with patience?

Love with discipline?

Would we then have the strait and narrow way Jesus spoke about?

Could we have the best of both worlds?

Let’s find out together.

Why I don’t Let you Reschedule

When I am working with you, I am tuning in and gathering energy and focus for our time together much like Revel’s Bolero.

It is meant to climax and impact exactly when we schedule to meet. So, if you call, text, or message me and want to move it on short notice, all the energy I gathered gets frustrated AND I have to recalibrate and see if I can use it somewhere else AND re-charge again for the time you want to talk.

Therefore, no rescheduling with < 24h notice, except in emergency. Thank you!

On Cosmology

600_392110422In this world, we are asked–often under threat of shame, ridicule, and rejection–if not outright violence–to accept a lot of things that we ourselves cannot actually verify and experience via our senses.

Whether it’s that there is a man sitting in a cloud who I speak to who decides whether you suffer when you die or that there is another ‘authority’ to bow to (most false cosmologies are seeped in the Doctrine of Domination), if I can control what you believe, I can control how you act. Voltaire said it best, “He who can get you to believe absurdities can get you to commit atrocities.”

This Thursday I am going to be teaching about the 6+1 Logical Levels or Levels of Change. From environment up to mission, they determine how we act and whether we get the results we want in the world.

A level that is not often discussed that is higher than all of them, I call ‘Cosmology’.

Your cosmology is your understanding about ‘how the world works’ and ‘your place in it’.

For example, if your cosmology includes, “White people are better than black people,” or “Germans are meant to rule for a thousand years,” or even that “my country is the greatest,” that will affect all of your choices, regardless of the rest of the levels.

The same as if it includes, “God commands us whom to marry through our prophet [14-year-olds to 60-yo’s] and we are to obey.”


Be aware of who or what is setting your cosmology.

You can tell who is influencing your cosmology because, it will include:

  • Things ‘everyone knows’ but can’t really be experienced by your senses or proven
  • Things you aren’t allowed to question
  • Ideas that you aren’t allowed to receive or propagate–look also for ‘soft’ censorship, whether through ridicule or ‘rating’ of ideas.
  • On the other side: Thoughts are called ‘dangerous’ or ‘heretic’
  • The ‘way things are’ as proclaimed and decided ‘together’ (when often, consensus is just supporting the systems of domination through various hard and soft methods
  • What people who are marginalized, cast out, or even murdered are attacking or questioning

When Dominators notice holes being revealed in the old cosmology, they can create a new one and present it under force of arms or propaganda to control the ‘framework within thinking happens’.

The thought-control elements (shame, guilt, punishment, reward) on top of a new cosmology will keep 99.9% of the people in line, assuming the narrative can be powerfully controlled and disseminated.

I have broken out of so many cages only to find I was within the next cage–and it was always in my head. Gotta hand it to those who want to test our willingness to truly be free and define our own actions and experience!

What is your cosmology? Where did you get it? Who taught it to you? Where did they get it? What are the sources of truth for your life?

My Story: Finding Tantra (I)

The phone rang. A man’s voice answered.


“I’m calling about the tantra workshop.”

“And?”, he gruffly replied.

“Well, what is it?”

“What do you think it is?”

Holy cow, this guy was rude!

I didn’t know whether it was because he was used to fielding calls from horny people or whether he was disappointed it was a man’s voice that called and he wanted more hot women to build his “local harem” with. In any case, the guy wasn’t happy to hear from me.

It was mid May, 2008. And I knew something had to change. I had left the Mormon church in 2003. My wife and I had agreed to separate a couple years later. The Church was the foundation of our relationship and, without that, we found we just had different paths we wanted to explore. So we shook hands and parted ways.

Add to that the fact we hadn’t had sex in a few years…our relationship was one of politeness, efficiency, but not passion.

I had always been attracted to many women. Since puberty at least and probably before. I hadn’t been encouraged to date before I turned 16 and even then I was told to not ‘go steady’—I had to prepare for my mission, after all. And it wouldn’t do for me to have some horrible sin like sex to repent of before I spent two years knocking on doors in Germany without being allowed to touch a woman with more than a handshake.

But I had toed the party line. I got married a virgin. We had a bunch of issues to resolve. And no idea where to go for support.

And so, we had just both kind of…given up.

I knew there must be something more.

After we parted, I learned about women and dating in the ‘real world’…one unmediated by men claiming to be the ‘voice of God’.

And I quickly learned that I didn’t know the first thing about sex. Not really. And I didn’t even know where to learn.

There were two events that weekend. One was ZEGG’s ‘Introduction to Open Relationships.’ The second was this Tantra workshop.

And I had to choose.

In the end, I went to the tantra workshop, (much to the chagrin of the gruff guy on the phone) because the marketing was so compelling, “This weekend only, internationally renowned tantric master from England John Hawken is coming to teach us his introductory workshop on tantra.”

He didn’t like competition, despite the open concepts about tantra.

I basically went because of some books I had seen at the bookstore (which I was far to shy to buy still) about tantra that looked like they were about better sex.

I wanted better sex. So this seemed like a great way to get it.

I ended up getting much more than I bargained for.

I ended up being the only one who had come from the online ad. Everyone else knew each other.
But, I was ok with trying strange things at this point, having visited a slew of new churches and even the local Hari Krisna group a few times. My spiritual search combined with a renewed intellectual curiosity and general fascination.
I likened leaving the Mormon church to taking off blinders. All the sudden there was this big, wide world to see. And I had seen about 2% of it. Because the rest was forbidden. It was evil. It was of the devil.
Tantra was another way to start.
At the front of the room was a plump, grandfatherly gentleman. He was English, and quite theatrical in his presentation. Sitting next to him was a blonde bombshell, probably young enough to be his granddaughter.
“Tantra says,” he began with much gravity, “that you are a point of consciousness and a flow of energy.”
The presentation and his presence held me spellbound.
“The entire universe represents that dance between energy, and consciousness.”
He continued, “I’m not here to convince you of anything. This is not a dogma. Not a system. Not a philosophy. It is experiential. I will offer you an experience, which you may take or leave, as you wish. There are no victims in tantra.
“I encourage you to have the experience without analyzing or evaluating it. [In fact, the experiences had so little context within normal life that the ‘analytical mind’ had little to grasp for analysis anyway.] And then you can decide for yourself what to think of it.”
I was home. I never knew that I had lost my home. I had no idea what ‘home’ even looked like, but this was home.
We danced, fingertip to fingertip. Then elbow to elbow. Then forehead to forehead We added more ‘energy’ until the connection broke. A couple people konked their heads together.
“Too much energy leads to chaos. Too much consciousness leads to death [stagnation]”, our venerated leader intoned.
We had just seen how this happens during the exercise.
“Thus there is a dance, and both are necessary.”
Energy was his feminine principle. Consciousness the masculine principle—that guided the energy into a ‘form’. Each of us had both within us.
As we did each exercise, I felt intuitively that I ‘knew’ how to do it. We ‘breathed’ energy in a circle through partners, staring into their eyes and focusing on the path of the energy.
We wandered through the room, stopping to gently stroke strangers’ faces. Then we pinched foreign bums and yelped and laughed.
After each one, we would return again to ‘gentle formlessness’.
We even yelled, “Fuck you!” at complete strangers. Some people could do that with a serious voice. I had to smile when I said it.
I went out during the break. I noticed that I started right into the eyes of the cashier. I felt so powerful, so self-assured. I was different.
During the rest of the workshop, the exercises got further and further from ‘normal life’. I found myself standing in a circle staring into the eyes of a sixty-year-old topless woman—and finding myself utterly enraptured.
I learned to see beyond the body. The ‘form’. I felt the energy. The essence of everyone I came into contact with there.
 That first weekend changed my life. I vowed to follow this amazing man wherever he went and learn the secrets he possessed.
I also found that these workshops were a great way to find candidates for reigniting my dismal love life.

What are we afraid of? (silenced voices)

I was recently invited into a group of “smart people” who liked to discuss sensitive political and economic topics. One said that the group existed because “if people knew how we really felt, it might hurt our businesses.”

So, this is the world you live in, and your children will grow up in, and you will not say how you really feel and what you think because you are afraid of losing a client or two?

Then how do you expect that world to change?

I swear, I could *smell* the fear in this group.

The really tragic thing is, their ideas are much better than the ones you are going to read in any mainstream newspaper or watch on TV.

I also have people come to me about my political posts and say, “Wow! I so agree with what you are writing!” Yet, none of them are even willing to click ‘Like’ because…because why?

We criticize Facebook warriors, for not doing enough to ‘change the world’, but if you can do one thing, it is to express your honest ideas and feelings on a platform that does have *some* reach, over time.

In fact, this might be the most powerful way *to* change the world: the written and spoken word. What effect has the Bible had over 2000 years? Probably more effect than all the armies that ever existed. The same applies to many of the ‘great texts’.

When I explained a bit of my take about the political reality and the fact that I think the age of political solutions was long ago (actually, that politics is just a way to clothe power in a way that people won’t rebel against their slavery), I was accused of being like John Lennon. I guess that means that they thought I was risking assassination? I don’t know. But everyone knows the song Imagine, don’t they? John Lennon has made a difference.

The end result is that Mr. Chick Fil’ A pontificates his rhetoric without worrying about his business, but people who have thought beyond the simple black/white dichotomy of political infighting are afraid to write about it.

The people whose ideas could improve the world aren’t sharing them. How else is the world going to change?

Nah. Not me. I’ve been sharing what I think for a long time. And I’ll keep doing it.

It may be the thing that makes all the difference.

And I would recommend you do it, too.