Category Archives: Spirituality and purpose

Psalm Isadora and Suicide

Dear Fellow Tantrikas, Sacred Sexuality practitioners, educators and friends,

My heart hurts. There has been a death in the family.

One of the best of us has not just been extinguished, but has chosen to extinguish her own light. Psalm Isadora is gone.

How has this happened? How can this happen?

I remember when I first found tantra. A new world opened up to me. I thought that I had found the solution to everything–the golden key.

With my new powers, nothing should be denied me!

And, for certain I had new, deeper access to the powers of God–the powers of love and life.

And I dove in completely for years…as many of us have.

And still…I found myself…empty.


I think a clue might be found in one of Psalm’s videos. One of the last she made. It was about suicide, a tragic irony.

A man had committed suicide in the hotel she was staying in and she commented on the whole affair. She said (paraphrasing), “I used to say that there, but for the grace of God, go I…but now I say, thank you to myself and my healers and my teachers…”

I felt at the very bottom of despair this past summer. There were thoughts inspired by painful feelings that could have taken me to total self-betrayal.

Then, as during all the deepest and most painful times in my life, the final and only thing I have found to deliver me from deepest despair, hopelessness, and desperation has been my relationship and connection to God.

In fact, much of my despair came precisely from me searching for solutions to problems that I could not solve.

To take responsibility to heal wounds I cannot heal.

There is a time when I admit my own limitations (and what is my power, really?) and lack of knowledge, wisdom and intelligence and step back and let God handle everything I do not know how to handle.

Yes, support from others has been key to this process. They are God with us. But my own honesty, borne of desperation in crying out, whether in rage, overwhelm, terror or grief–to God–has been the lifeline that has pulled me from the pit that felt eternal.

I echo what others have said. I am grateful we are gathering around this tragedy to look inside at how we are really doing and to consider new ways of being together.

And, if we don’t find our solutions or if all of our supports fail, I hope we can call out to God in faith for that last lifeline–and find it.

Yes, there are many corrupted forms of religion. But our personal connection to Divinity is always available.

I do not know what happened to Psalm. I am sharing my own story and what I have learned from others during the few years I have experienced “this life”.

No matter what we learn or how powerful we become, we are always just at the beginning.

God bless and keep us all.

In Love,
Ryan Orrock

A few people asked for the link to that video:

Erotic vs Spiritual

One huge problem in our world is that we separate the spiritual and the erotic. It’s sometimes called The Lilith Complex. It is the source of untold suffering.

Very few are able to master all 7 chakras. We either contemplate God, the universe, meaning, spirituality, and religion. Or, we look for the so-called “baser” things in life. Pleasure. Sex. Celebration. Decadence. Fast cars. Big houses.

We don’t think of the Dalai Lama as a guy who is erotically charged. We see him as one connected to God. The same with the Pope. And the Pope is a virgin, right?

I spent many years in spiritual community. We didn’t talk about sex. We never approached it practically. We didn’t talk about how to enjoy our bodies.

Most spiritual communities are this way.

The Amish even create a false dichotomy of this. They send their youth out on a “rumspringa” where they encourage them to engage in excess with ‘the sinful world’. To them, you are either God-fearing or on Girls Gone Wild.

But there is more.

How do we experience sexuality, pleasure, and sensation in any sort of conscious, meaningful way? What structures even exist in our society to learn that? We learn reading, writing, and arithmetic for 12 years. Where do we learn about relationships, connection, emotions, touch, and sex?

I had to search very hard to find capable teachers about life’s essentials. The best teachers are virtually unknown. Yet, for me, they hold the keys of humanity’s future.

After my spiritual search didn’t make me happy, I turned inward. I turned to my body.

I began studying ancient practices and ideas around touch, connection, pleasure, and sexuality.

That was a journey of many years. Only now am I beginning to reconcile both my spiritual and physical and erotic journeys into a holistic life.

And I am always looking for people who are trying to do that as well.

I was surprised, then, when someone approached me who had spent years in a spiritual community and understood the core of what it means to be connected to the Divine, and who had left all of that, as a modern-day female Buddha–to research in ways that no teacher could show her what her body was capable of. Her experience took her to the depths of erotic exploration.

Her courage is awe inspiring. People close to her both warned and threatened her for her journey. And yet she has remained true to her search.

And she gives us a glimpse of what we might know by deeply understanding our bodies and our physical, human experience, with an integration of spirituality and meaning.

I consider it a privilege to be one of the first to bow down to give her the respect and the honor that she deserves.

The results of her dedication to the path herself are evident for me. I never speak to her without being my body being awakened and alive.

She now lives an example of a complete life. And she has only just begun.

Let me introduce you to her.

Meet Amy.

Tomorrow at 4:30 PST, I will be interviewing Amy about her amazing journey. get to know a woman who understands Bhakti (devotion) in the deepest of ways and who has worked professionally in the world of sexuality–I’ll let her tell you about that tomorrow.

You can be there, ask questions, and get to know her as well.

If, you subscribe here:

Some replay may be available (though it may be censored compared to the original, so I suggest being there in person to get all the details).

This will be fun. Join us! 🙂

What is a “Spiritually Evolved Person”?

“Religion is for people who believe in hell. Spirituality is for people who have been there.” – anon.

Off the Beaten PathA spiritually evolved person is someone who has suffered intensely as a result of a break between their spiritual identity or purpose and have gone through a major life shift as a result.

For instance:

  • Switching their religious label
  • Or “giving up on religion” entirely
  • Changing a major label of themselves of ‘Who I am’
  • …or a similar tectonic shift in their “map” of understanding themselves and the universe

I left the religion I was deeply involved in for 27 years. This was like ‘throwing away the map of my life’ and starting again from scratch.

Anyone who has done this knows what a scary, painful experience that is. And, yet they have committed to the truth, even if it does trigger this pain.

It takes great courage to make such a change. And once we have, the question of ‘reinventing ourselves’ and our spirituality becomes a powerful yet often treacherous journey. Especially if you go it alone.

I am dedicated to serving those who have, or are in the midst of, ‘reinventing themselves’ for a new life journey while creating a new map. As someone who has done it a few times, I’ve learned a thing or two about this process, including how to follow your own path when the “fog of life” is so thick we can’t see our own metaphorical feet and follow our own “silent voice of truth” when distracting masses seem to be shouting so loudly we can barely hear anything.