Dear Fellow Tantrikas, Sacred Sexuality practitioners, educators and friends,
My heart hurts. There has been a death in the family.
One of the best of us has not just been extinguished, but has chosen to extinguish her own light. Psalm Isadora is gone.
How has this happened? How can this happen?
I remember when I first found tantra. A new world opened up to me. I thought that I had found the solution to everything–the golden key.
With my new powers, nothing should be denied me!
And, for certain I had new, deeper access to the powers of God–the powers of love and life.
And I dove in completely for years…as many of us have.
And still…I found myself…empty.
I think a clue might be found in one of Psalm’s videos. One of the last she made. It was about suicide, a tragic irony.
A man had committed suicide in the hotel she was staying in and she commented on the whole affair. She said (paraphrasing), “I used to say that there, but for the grace of God, go I…but now I say, thank you to myself and my healers and my teachers…”
I felt at the very bottom of despair this past summer. There were thoughts inspired by painful feelings that could have taken me to total self-betrayal.
Then, as during all the deepest and most painful times in my life, the final and only thing I have found to deliver me from deepest despair, hopelessness, and desperation has been my relationship and connection to God.
In fact, much of my despair came precisely from me searching for solutions to problems that I could not solve.
To take responsibility to heal wounds I cannot heal.
There is a time when I admit my own limitations (and what is my power, really?) and lack of knowledge, wisdom and intelligence and step back and let God handle everything I do not know how to handle.
Yes, support from others has been key to this process. They are God with us. But my own honesty, borne of desperation in crying out, whether in rage, overwhelm, terror or grief–to God–has been the lifeline that has pulled me from the pit that felt eternal.
I echo what others have said. I am grateful we are gathering around this tragedy to look inside at how we are really doing and to consider new ways of being together.
And, if we don’t find our solutions or if all of our supports fail, I hope we can call out to God in faith for that last lifeline–and find it.
Yes, there are many corrupted forms of religion. But our personal connection to Divinity is always available.
I do not know what happened to Psalm. I am sharing my own story and what I have learned from others during the few years I have experienced “this life”.
No matter what we learn or how powerful we become, we are always just at the beginning.
God bless and keep us all.
A few people asked for the link to that video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLXdkQJh4ls