Category Archives: Self-care

Am I OK how I am?

Our friendship was on the laser’s edge. We had had great conversations. But I felt our friendship collapsing. And I didn’t know why. The ‘advice’ I had given him recently, while feeling good at the time, had thrown his system into chaos today.

And I didn’t know why.

In the last minute, I suddenly ‘got it’. I said what I needed to say. He felt much better. And our connection deepened.

And I was a different man.

This is such a deep lesson to me and it took many, many mistakes with clients, friends, and partners before I finally got it, and I felt like a giant weight was lifted off of me.

The question is: Am I OK how I am?

When someone comes to us with some kind of distress, often the question deep down is:

  • Am I broken?
  • Am I defective?
  • Is how I am ‘wrong’?

Incredibly difficult questions to ask, rooted in deep shame.

And, my response to those, for years, has been to find the source of their discomfort and to alleviate it via…

  • new techniques
  • better “ideas”
  • empathy

…and so on.

But, the fundamental truth is that: You are perfect. You are exactly who and what you need to be right now.

You are perfect in which the way the sapling is as perfect as the mighty oak.

Just as perfect as the six-year-old is to the sixty-year-old.

Which is ‘better’? Which is ‘done’? Which is ‘perfect’?

Obviously, neither. The six-year-old is at the perfect stage of development for himself. The sixty-year-old as well. They are both vital and powerful parts of their community.

And they don’t need to change anything.

And neither do you!

So, instead now, I come from a space of: you are perfect as you are, of course. Nothing to be ashamed of. And nothing that ‘needs’ changing.

When we come from that space, anything we wish to change comes from a space of play and experimentation, rather than defect and a I-must-correct-this attitude.

And the results are unimaginably different in this energy as opposed to the energy of shame.

Most of our suffering about a situation comes from our wanting that situation to be different. And a lot of that ‘wanting’ is the result of shame.

Being able to accept the perfection of ‘right now’ allows us both to enjoy where we are and take steps to have things different later.

 

Stimulants, Drugs, and So Forth

drugsI had not yet written an article about this topic. But, it’s a supercharged one in our culture. And many of you have come to me asking for some guidance.

Here are my opinions.

All types of drugs and stimulants, from pot, to alcohol, to LSD, to ayahuasca, to psilocybin, to coffee and cocaine provide temporary doorways into altered states.

Sometimes these are emotional states. Sometimes these are hallucinatory states.

In every case, they show you how to get to a place that you don’t know how to get to otherwise.

Remember two words: temporary and otherwise.

I think virtually any substance can be useful once. Maybe twice.

Especially under guidance–a shaman who knows what they are doing.

Be very careful about using substances beyond this.

Why?

First of all: payback.

As high as you get, you crash. Me, personally, it was never worth that to me. I like feeling good.

After MDMA, I am told, there is depression. Alcohol: Hangovers. Other stuff has other ‘after effects’.

Used in a guided context for a specific result, you can find a doorway that you can learn to open yourself later.

If you use every time you need to:

  • Feel good
  • Feel connected
  • Feel confident
  • Feel powerful
  • Be pumped
  • Work 20 hours in a row
  • et al…it tends to become a crutch

It often doesn’t work as well. The after-effects sometimes get worse. So the calculation shifts.

My recommendation? My strong recommendation? Don’t do drugs.

I am not a ‘medicine’ person. I can open almost any doorway I want with myself or others via trance, energy, meditation, movement, or similar methods. I have zero expertise or competency with ‘medicine paths’. And I have done quite well my way, I believe.

I don’t teach them or support them (even the legitimately healing and growing ones). It’s just not part of my experience or teaching. If you really feel you want to use substances as a major part of your long-term growth, I’m not your guy.

Really as simple as that. Unless you have a clear purpose and guide who knows what they are doing, most of the time they are slowing your progress. If you need alcohol to relax, for example, there is a bigger issue. Solve that issue and get your result, instead of using the substance. And I am quite good at helping people find and resolve issues like this.

You will weaken your muscles if you use constantly used a crutch, and you can weaken your emotional and psychological frame if you consistently use ‘outside stuff’ to get you feeling or being how you want to feel or be.

Finally, this isn’t medical advice. I am not a doctor.