Category Archives: Ryan’s Life

My Challenges and Triumphs

My Friend,

Is your life f*&^%$# up?

Mine sure was.

So I set out on a journey to find out why I was so unhappy and what to do about it. That journey has taken me to places I never had imagined and given me experiences beyond belief.

How I was before:

  1. Saddled with chronic illnesses and not finding help.
  2. Stuck working for ‘the man’. Unhappy and unfulfilled professionally.
  3. In one dead-end relationship after another with no idea how to talk about or take care of my needs.
  4. Confused about my place in the universe and the meaning of it all.
  5. Running endlessly from the trauma of my family-of-origin. (I moved 11,000 miles to get away… but even that didn’t work)
  6. No idea that miracles existed or were possible or how I could catalyze miracles.
  7. Stuck living in two polarities–either making a good living or following my heart (and be penniless). Neither of which was appealing.
  8. ‘High functioning’ but inside saddled with tremendous anxiety and fear.
  9. Depressed. No desire to get out of bed. “Faking my feelings” whenever I had to be with people–which made being with people exhausting.
  10. Not feeling anyone understood, wanted, or needed me in their lives. Feeling I don’t belong in this world.
  11. Chronic body tension (most of which I was unaware of) which made the health issues worse.
  12. Feeling paralyzing shame about my body, my desires, and my sexuality. Unable to talk about it or reveal myself to anyone.

…the list goes on and on.

But it was all I knew…so I soldiered through.

Until I finally decided to change. No matter the cost.

How things have changed

These are some of the results I now enjoy.

Spirituality and Energy

  • I have a deep and connected relationship to God and divinity.
  • I feel guided and protected.
  • I see the miracles I can create and do so.
  • I have spiritual experiences that I didn’t realize were possible–often.
  • I live in the ‘Now’.
  • I am flexible when new, unexpected situations arise. I trust.
  • I have meaning in my life.
  • I understand my energy and manage it.
  • I set the intent for things to happen and they just… happen. Life no longer feels like a battle or a struggle.

Emotional Healing

  • I no longer flinch every time someone touches me.
  • I don’t fly into a [not-so-] secret rage every time I feel threatened or insulted.
  • I don’t feel a compelling ‘need’ for a woman to ‘take care’ of me.
  • I am no longer trying to ‘siphon off’ others’ energy.
  • I try new things without self-consciousness, shyness, or fear.
  • I connect to and nurture my ‘inner parts’.
  • I don’t long for people in old, dead relationships.
  • I don’t feel a constant sense of guilt and shame.
  • I can forgive myself quickly.
  • I take responsibility for my life. I don’t blame God, myself, my parents, former lovers or anyone else for anything in life.
  • I can communicate with my ‘parts’ and find ways to move forward to meet my goals.
  • I don’t walk around in fear. I am no longer contemplating where the ‘danger might be’ around me. Nor does the fear of possible embarrassment feel debilitating.
  • I can feel genuine emotions of happiness (maybe doesn’t sound like much–for me it is a miracle).

Physical Health

  • I take full responsibility for my body and it’s health.
  • I am healing my health issues…things that seemed impossible to both me and doctors to fix.
  • I drink pure water, I eat much healthier food that gives me energy, pleasure, and feels good.
  • I move more than I have since I was young.
  • My once-debilitating back problems are gone
  • A decade-long chronic sinus infection (and daily nosebleeds!) is healed
  • My body is much more relaxed.
  • Chronic energy and weight problems are finally coming into balance


  • I no longer feel constant anxiety and pressure to be whatever I believe the person in front of me wants me to be.
  • I don’t feel pressure to martyr myself or be a ‘savior’ for others.
  • I can spend time with and even take care of my parents (not possible before)
  • I don’t judge, berate or attack my parents or loves for all the ways in which ‘they don’t understand me!’
  • I no longer withdraw into permanent silence when I am hurting.
  • I talk about my feelings.
  • I have many coaches, mentors, healers, and counselors whom I trust and share openly with.
  • I have loving friends and people I serve and support, and connections that are intense and healing.
  • I don’t allow ‘friends’ or acquaintances to drag me down or waste my time or energy.
  • I express my love easily, simply, and powerfully.
  • I ask for what I want. Without fear, hesitation, or shame.
  • I know what I need and how my body feels on a sensate and emotional level.
  • I can negotiate and hear ‘no’ from others without getting upset, defensive, or walking away.

Fun, Rest, Relaxation, Sexuality, and Pleasure

  • I spoil myself and my senses [sense-uality] without worry, fear, or guilt.
  • I practice radical self-care.
  • I’m no longer ashamed of my body. I enjoy it with gratitude and don’t attack or berate it.
  • I have learned to play.
  • I spend my time how I want.
  • I am confident sexually and relationally.
  • I explore my fantasies freely.
  • I am unashamed of my sexuality and desires.
  • I continually learn and expand my sensations, abilities, and realm of experience.
  • I am not ‘compelled’ by sexuality. I no longer make destructive life mistakes just to get pleasure.
  • I see the world as a sexually and pleasurefully abundant place.


  • I engage with whom I want, when I want, how I want.
  • I know how to be in groups in ways that serve my life and manage my energy.
  • I express myself freely and clearly without worrying about what other people might think.
  • I freely explore new ways to express myself and make an impact on the larger world.

Financial and Purposeful Living

  • Abundance pours down on me. I know I am always taken care of in exactly the right ways.
  • I don’t compromise myself for money.
  • I am neither controlled by nor in fear of money. A lot or a little doesn’t change who I am.
  • I know my greatest sacred gifts provide the greatest value in the world.
  • I know I don’t have to ‘hide’ who I am to live in abundance.
  • I share my abundance freely with those I love and those who can benefit from it.
  • I find win-win situations in life.
  • I make friends with my ‘parts’ that have fears or negative experiences with money or abundance and turn them into powerful allies in my life goals.

Knowledge and Understanding

  • My thinking is clear and direct.
  • I learn very quickly. I learn with my whole body.
  • I receive ‘invisible knowledge’ regularly.
  • My understanding of the world and my place in it has given me a sacredness and purpose that I always longed for.
  • I see connections in all knowledge and experience.
  • People call me ‘wise’ and ‘brilliant’ as I release the natural knowledge and expression we are all born with.

Actual “Results”

  • Lived in 5 countries and 15+ cities
  • Created my own successful consulting and software localization business and sold it
  • Learned fluent German
  • Play multiple instruments + performed in front of 1000s (my previous life)
  • Opened and ran a tantra temple in Vienna, Austria
  • Helped 100s of people get what they want from life, sexually, professionally (and more than they thought possible)
  • Invented the ‘next-gen’ healing and personal discovery modalities
  • Was an ordained spiritual leader at 24
  • Absorbed a tantric guru for 3 years

This was not easy.

Did any of that resonate for you?

Are you going through any of the challenges I did?

Are you looking for something more in any of the areas above?

There’s more to tell you, but first:

What frustrates you most about your life and how do you want it to be instead?

Tell me.

Looking forward to moving forward.

All my love,
Ryan Orrock