I was always a bit of an unusual kid. I was having ‘adult conversations’ at 3 years old, according to the neighbors.
At their urging, mom had me ‘tested’. “Gifted.”
The psychologist said something interesting, “He’s going to marry a woman older than he is.” I was six.
He was right. Both times.
When I was young, I wanted to know this “God guy”, any way I could. In my tradition, that involved lots of journaling and studying the holy books. So I did. Minimum a half an hour a day from 14 years old.
At age 19, I left on my mission. Maybe you can guess the religion already.
The beginning was horrible. I hated it. But when I was there, they told me to “Follow the Holy Spirit” which they likened to a ‘still, small voice”.
So, I started to try it out…
You’ve got to realize, as a missionary in Germany, you can knock on doors for hours without ever being allowed in. Especially in little towns where everyone knew who you were.
So, what did we do?
One day, we decided to follow this ‘Holy Spirit’. We said a prayer, asking God to tell us which people would open the door for us.
Then we stood in front of one of these things.
Actually, there were about 10 of them in a row. And we said, “Ok, God! Show us which entrance to go into!”
My mission partner and I looked at the first and second entrances. Didn’t feel ‘right’. The third one? Yes.
We went in.
There were about 8 floors of 6 apartments each. Again we did that ‘feel inside’ thing. Up or down?
We went up to the top.
Then we asked again. This floor? Nope.
We went down two floors. There, it felt right.
Which door? Again we asked.
Finally, we picked a door.
And we knocked.
And we were immediately let in and gave a ‘missionary presentation’.
That was like winning the lottery. That was…impossible by any standard of my experience of months and months of going door to door.
And yet it happened.
After that, I started to have fun.
I would do my best to ‘tune in’ and just kind of ‘followed my insides’.
I talked to people on the bus. I spoke to people on the street. Instead of feeling wooden and fake, I started feeling alive and ‘connected’.
I even started having other ‘strange experiences’. We would pray for people by laying-on-of-hands and just kind of ‘say’ whatever we were ‘moved’ to. Most of the time, it was rather generic.
But now, I started to get “information” about the person when I touched them. I started to sense really personal stuff about their relationships , their health. I felt some sort of ‘internal pressure’ to counsel them. So I would tell them about what I ‘saw’.
And often, they were surprised about the accuracy of the ‘advice’.
Life went on. I did the things that the ‘voice inside’ told me to do, as much as I could.
I was so serious about my spirituality and, I imagine, the higher-ups were so impressed with me on some level that I was made a local leader at 24. Meaning, I was running the show for over 100 people and basically was calling all the shots for the group.
This was almost unheard of at that age. Usually this position is held by a mid-40’s lawyer or doctor with children.
It was intimidating. I continued to ‘feel things’ and act that way.
One Sunday, a visiting higher-up said, “You know. It’s interesting what I experience in this church. The powerful spiritual feelings I get once in awhile when visiting other churches, I get every time I’m here.”
I don’t think I told him that I was getting ‘information’ about everything: Who should speak when, what songs to sing, planning the details most of the time.
I also began to ‘speak’ from this energy. I just stood up and, without prepared notes, began to teach and speak. Often I would say things I didn’t know. Someone would say, “Wow! That was amazing!” and I would reply, “Give the glory to God, I was just as blown away as you were!”
And then, one day, the Voice told me to leave.
Drop my religion of 27 years. Just…quit.
“Seriously??” I asked.
‘Yup’, said God. Or whatever this Voice was.
And so I did. This was one of the most difficult times in my life. It was like abandoning everything I had ever been raised to understand and count on…just because of an internal feeling.
I had always been cautioned that happiness was only to be found in the Church. Immediately I got a much better job, making double what I had been making before. My spiritual ‘stagnancy’ that I had felt for a long time lifted, and I began feeling like I was growing and learning again.
That experience I will talk about more another time.
Once I left, I began studying other religions and spiritual traditions.
I started learning spiritual healing and ‘psychic healing’. In one exercise, we were instructed to hold someone’s head (whom we had never met) and silently repeat the ‘mantra’ that our intuition gave us.
I believe the mantra was, “I have clarity.” I repeated the mantra over and over again silently while this person’s head rested gently in my hands.
After five minutes, she sat up and immediately said, “When we began, I was so confused. Thinking of so many things. Now everything is just…clear!”
I was blown away. Seriously? What was that? How did that happen? Again, it was a very very unlikely coincidence.