Category Archives: Healing

Migraines / Migraine Headaches

Migraines, reviled universally as a despotic and hated evil of creation are actually an opportunity and invitation.

Ironically, for healing.

In contrast to a cold or a flu, a migraine is a very specific, targeted, powerful healing invitation.

The invitation can be attacked, ignored, scorned, or accepted and loved.

I once read an article many years ago–back when the internet was full of people presenting valuable knowledge for free instead of being overcome by the marketers.

They described some very intense healing methods, such as body electronics (for healing teeth) and bathing in hot sauce and mustard mixtures and then wrapping yourself in sheets dipped in ice water and watching as they changed colors, drinking a lot of water and switching the sheets from time to time.

This could trigger a healing crisis that could last for up to 12 hours.

Another was being strapped against the wall and having firehoses blasted against you…

I remember a quote from the article well:

“Nowadays many people would consider these intensive healing methods. I guess back then people considered dying ‘intense’.”

Now we live in comfort and luxury–anything to prevent discomfort. This path is not diametrically opposed to growth but we are missing some key components.

I have had many migraines without benefiting. However, my last 6 migraines (including 2 on one day) have all changed me permanently in a good way.

By opening up to them (instead of fighting them) and accepting the gift they offered, each one ‘changed’ something inside me–my thinking and build-up of the world–in a profoundly positive and powerful way.

I knew they were triggered by working out “excessively”…and yet I “consciously” triggered them over and over to get the gifts they had.

It was kind of like doing an ayuausca journey without flying to Peru.

Welcoming, embracing, and experiencing the gift that every ‘illness’ brings fosters tremendous growth.

So, what can you do when a migraine attacks?

  1. Of course, you know how to take care of yourself best, so start with that.
  2. BREATHE. Deeply. It sounds/feels like I am hyperventilating when I get a migraine. This helps “move” the pain for me.
  3. Make noise. Try moaning or even screaming and yelling…another path for moving pain energy. Most of us do the exact opposite, getting quiet. Try this instead.
  4. Hot baths/showers. In between stomach issues and hot/cold sweats, I make myself a bath (or 2) during a migraine episode. For me, it is helpful.
  5. OPEN to the message of the migraine. Ask, “Why are you here?”, “What are you trying to tell me?”, “What is it I can learn from this?” — This key has made all the difference for me. Saying a prayer of surrender in acceptance rather than cursing the experience has opened me to supernal learnings. This applies to any illness, discomfort, or dis-ease by the way.

As I wrote above, with all the purging and pain (and even visual artifacts), a migraine for me has become a spiritual initiation much like an ayuausca journey. And, as I integrate the messages from each one, perhaps the ‘messenger’ will need to visit less often. That has been my hope, and, at least partially, my experience.

Do you suffer from migraines? Would you like to share your thoughts and feelings? What are they like for you? What has helped?

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Trusting the Child, Inside and Out

[This is potentially triggering. I feel these ideas are very important to discuss and yet our world has taboos even about this conversation. I ask that you approach this person’s experience free from what you have been programmed to think about the topic and instead consider their experience from their perspective.

I received a very specific e-mail which I am going to quote and discuss. I recommend caution if you do not want to be confronted with themes of sexuality and youth.]

I have some questions:

  1. When are we old enough to have ‘preferences’? To know what we want and don’t want?
  2. When do our preferences count? And when should they be overridden by society and family?
  3. Are there topics that society is so much wiser about that we need to bow to its authority and fall in line–regardless of whether we agree or enjoy or not? Which ones? And why?

A friend wrote me this mail:

“Well this is an odd thank you email that you’re probably going to laugh about. When I was 13 I had sex with an older guy. I was so embarrassed I hid it from everyone. I buried it deep. I denied it. It caused me so much pain. Well, when I was using one of your videos (I believe it was called “The Pleasure Room”.) [He’s mentioning a guided meditation I once created that suggest recalling a pleasurable past experience with no other context.] I actually could smell him and taste him again. And I relived the experience. What it taught me is I was NOT molested. I was not a victim. I was a victim of my upbringing, not of the relationship I had with another male. It took many years of therapy that never worked and then couple of your videos that so worked. You changed my life for the better. Just wanted to say thank you. No longer a victim.” – D.

This is an adult man speaking.

In our world, we include sexuality as one of those things that young people’s preferences don’t really matter about. We know more than they do.

Is that true, though?

What percentage of adults have sex with the exact right people all the time for their growth and happiness or any other goal they might have?

How many adults can tell another adult exactly the right person to engage with sexually for their happiness and success?

When does this magical information suddenly infuse into them?

What is the evidence?

I want to propose something that might seem blasphemous:

The degree to which we don’t trust anyone (age irrelevant) to know their preferences, wishes, and desires is the the degree to which we do not trust our own [inner child’s] ability to know what we want.

This goes along with the entire violence-based paradigm that we live within. In our world, it is acceptable to use shame, blame, guilt, threats, punishments, and rewards to keep people in line. And yet, do we end up doing more damage fighting and punishing the behaviors we ‘know’ are bad than we are preventing?

200 years ago, it was clear to ‘civilization’ that black people aren’t really people, so we can use them as property.

100 years ago, it was clear to ‘civilization’ that women weren’t really people. They were property–either of their fathers or husbands. We knew what was best for them and it was OK to punish them if they got out of line.

Today, it is clear that children aren’t really people–yet. They are property of their parents. We know what’s best for them and it’s ok to make them do things or punish them if they get out of line.

See the progression? What do you think we will all know in 100 years from now?

Despite the fact that we have child prodigies and inventors and 12-year-olds attending college, we don’t consider children to be able to know what they want in the field of touch.

Nor do we have any structures or training to help them find out.

Instead we have demonization and shaming and guilting and pearl-clutching whenever the subject is broached.

I remember my mother intensely castigating me whenever I ‘touched myself’ as a child. What kind of message do you think I got about my sexuality and my genitals?

Now, do they need information? Sure. They will ask questions and look for it.

Remember the three questions above? When do they apply to the field of touch? (And sexual touch is another form of touch communication.)

When do people become free or enlightened or wise enough to choose what should happen with their own bodies?

I see newborns powerfully object when their physical and touch needs are violated. I see them respond powerfully when they are.

Can it be that we are born knowing what we want and what is good for us? And that society denies and takes away our right to ask for and get what we want in this most important area of life?

A Solution to the Problem of Service

Like many people who want to serve others, I have been faced with what seemed an impossible dilemma:

  1. The value of my personal time and services increases as I gain experience, wisdom, knowledge, and understanding.
  2. I have a deep desire to help *everyone*.
  3. I need to provide for myself.
  4. I want to help ever-more people.
  5. A personal issue: I am very “intense”. Working with me can be like drinking from a firehose.

In addition, I faced the other issues people in my role do:

  1. How do I keep growing and learning when I need to market and deliver my services constantly?
  2. How do I deal with people who don’t show up, keep their commitments or don’t [want to] pay?
  3. Even if I am successful, how do avoid burnout and have adequate time for myself?

I did what many healers, teachers, coaches, etc. who are outside the mainstream do:

  1. I worked for free. I believe in serving and giving back. But, in our world, working for free doesn’t work long-term. Not only do I then have few resources to meet my needs and take care of myself, people often do not value things which require no investment. (Violated #3)
  2. I became “exclusive”.  (Violated #2)
  3. I burned out and wanted to withdraw (#2 again).

…and I followed many permutations of all of those over about four years. Nothing worked or satisfied my requirements.

In addition, here are the problems for people seeking personal help with life, sex, relationships, business, health, etc:

  1. There is a ton of information out there. But how do I apply it?
  2. Whose information is correct?
  3. I can’t see what I ‘can’t see’ because I don’t see it.  My programming makes me ‘blind’ to the useful parts of the information I do find. How do I see it?
  4. Who do I trust for 1:1 support? They want huge investments. What if I choose someone who can’t help? Or if we’re just not a fit? And I’ve already paid 5, 50, or 500k dollars?
  5. In addition, those ‘programs’ have strict rules and enforcement about time, duration…what if I get sick or injured or need to take a break for any other reason? Do I lose that massive investment? That I paid in advance? Do I quit? Do I sue?

It’s no wonder that people feel stuck.

I finally figured it out. For both sides.

I figured out a way for anyone to get personal support from me with virtually anything they want to change about life.

So, how do I help as many people as possible personally and deeply with very challenging issues that I am perhaps the best person to solve without becoming burned out?

To do so, I had to uncouple my understanding of time.

The popular thinking goes: Either I am staring you in the face helping you (and that’s very expensive), or I hand you prepackaged information (cheaper) and say, “Go for it! Bye!”. I don’t like ‘selling information’. Statistics indicate that around  5% of people can implement “naked information” without support. I don’t like the thought of only 5% of people solving the problem they came to me to solve.

I’d love to work 20 hours a week with every person who wants my time. But there is only one of me.

Dilemma indeed.

It turns out that, thanks to the magical invention called the Internet, I can personally coach hundreds of people a month–perhaps thousands, as long as I do this one thing.

What is this thing?

I disconnect their issues and questions from my immediate response.

I have up times and down times. I have high energy times and less high-energy times. I have times when I am busy. I have times when I am free.

So, I needed to find a way to work effectively in my high-energy, free times to give everyone the best possible support and experience.

In addition, I have created many programs that do provide information that will get people 80% of the way there with most issues they are facing. But left alone with it, life gets in the way, we get distracted. You know how it is.

So, here’s what I do.

I chopped my current hourly rate ($1000) down into tiny segments.

In fact, the smallest segment is now just 90 seconds. So you can buy 1.5 minutes of my personal attention and support.

Per month.

Wait!“, you say, “That sounds useless! What can you possibly help me with in 90 seconds?”

Here’s where it gets cool.

I have written hundreds of articles and made dozens of videos and audio files and explaining all about relationships, sexuality, connection, intimacy, business, energetics, and lots more. And, I have all sorts of practices that I have learned, created, adapted, and applied to myself for higher and greater results.

They are all over the internet and all over the many sites I have created through the years.

If you ask me your specific question, chances are, I have already answered it in depth many times. In which case, it takes me about 30 seconds to find that thing and shoot it to you.

60 seconds left.

Now, you read it. You try it. You have another question. So you ask.

And, when I have time, generally in about 48 hours, you get another answer. I give you something to try out. And you try it out. Again, 30 seconds. You still have coaching time left!

But because we did it asynchronously (not in direct contact), my time was used to full efficiency. And you were helped to do the things that are going to improve your life at minimal cost. Not just read about them. Not just think about them. But do something

This system won’t work if you don’t want to do anything or expect me to do things for you.  I can’t do your push-ups.

But, if you are willing to take some cutting-edge tried-and-true ideas and actually apply them, you will see results. And get all your questions answered.

If you enjoy the process and our interaction, continue.

If you want to work faster on more challenging and esoteric issues, you can simply go up a level in the system to get more time with me.

What if,” you ask, “I ask you something really hard you’ve never heard before?”

Awesome! I take a few hours to think, research, maybe interview someone and come up with another article, video, or podcast.

I put that content into the public or on the level of my membership system you have already paid for, and you have a quality, powerful answer. You will get that link. If you have more questions, we just go back into the process.

And you don’t pay any more for that.

Every question is welcome.

So you think you can actually help me change my life in 90 seconds a month?”


I have been devoted full-time to personal development since 2008.  Few people have spent that time in the field. I’ve worked with hundreds of people. I’ve seen what works and what doesn’t.

And I’ve seen enough eyes glaze over when I get ‘in the zone’ to know the importance of giving bite-sized action steps and enough time to do them.

I can keep probably 95% of people who want to work with me busy and happy with their progress with just a minute or two a month.

Progress takes practice.

It’s hard work.

It’s knowing where to put that effort that is important. But you have to do it.

If you don’t find this system is helping you reach your goals, that’s fine. We shake hands and move on, digitally speaking 🙂 There is no commitment. I don’t lock you in. You can take breaks and vacations and come back [as long as spots are free]. It’s completely flexible.

There’s another thing I’ve created to help you, though.

I put you together in groups of 3 with people who are facing a similar challenges. I call each group a “Triumph”.

You will meet with your Triumph every week and be able to track your progress, get support, and be accountable to one another.

You will find that, often, your Triumph will have answers (or tease out the answers already inside of you) and that keep you moving forward.

If not, you are welcome to ask me any question and it works just like I wrote above.

In summary:

  • Weekly small-group meetings.
  • Personal support from me.
  • Extremely low investment.
  • A massive amount of content.
  • No long-term commitment.

It’s taken me four years to design this, and it is constantly improving.

Another question:

What if you don’t ask me anything?

Then, you still get access to everyone else’s questions and my answers, all my programs, all my new content…which is more than enough to help you make progress toward your relationship, professional, and other life goals.

I imagine many people will make great progress just with the Triumph and free content.

Ok, sure,” you ask, “But what if I have NO money? Then I have NO way to participate!”

Great question!

As long as you have internet access (which you can get for free at any public library), you can access all of my (constantly updating) content about the basics in life to support yourself in shifting in ways to meet not only your basic needs, but also to be able to invest in yourself.

I’ve had people use a few of my free ideas and massively increase their income in a very short time.

One more question:

What if I want to work with you 1:1 personally face-to-face or over the internet?”

It’s possible. I have an application you can fill out, we will discuss it briefly and decide how to move forward.

This makes me happy.

I finally have a way to help anyone get what they want in their lives, no matter the budget, time they are willing to invest, or goal.

I’m very proud of this.

This is rolling out in a bigger way right now. I already have taken a few ‘test students’ and the initial results have blown me away.

I’d love to have you participate.

To get more information, sign up for my newsletter on the right side of this site, or contact me through the contact page, and I’ll send you information about how to access each level.

Payment is handled by a responsible third party payment and subscription system–you pay them and they pay me each month. You can talk to them about any technical financial questions.

This is so *&^%$#@ fun.

I look forward to helping you move forward in your own development.

All my love,
Ryan Orrock


Q: How do you keep track of the time you have spent with me?
A: The system tracks it for me. If I feel like we aren’t synched on expectations, I’ll tell you and we’ll work it out.

Q: Yeah, but you can’t work with an infinite number of people. At some time your time will run out, right?
A: Yes. This is true. I have set limits for every level to manage my energy levels. Once a program level is full, it won’t accept any new clients until others complete. This is all managed automatically.


Overcoming Fear

We just got done with Christmas. In the Bible, the story is told of ‘shepherds in the field, keeping watch over their flocks by night. And the angel of the Lord appeared to them and they were “sore [very] afraid”.’

And then the angel says something interesting. He says, “Fear not…”

Now, is that a fair request or command?

Can the shepherds choose whether seeing a glorious heavenly personage makes them afraid or not?

I didn’t used to think so. If someone says “boo!’ we have to go “aaahhhh!”. If I see a spider, I have to feel a jolt. If I lose my keys, I must worry. And if I think about seeing my father after failing….

But is that true?

Do I have any control over my emotions?

I ask because this because the answer to that question will give you information about your conception of emotions.

How do you think about emotions?

You might view your emotions as part of the machine of you. You have ideas about what lever pushes what button that triggers fear to happen. Or what happens once fear is ‘triggered’.

Your conception probably came from childhood and might have a lot to do with your parents.

Does a certain stimulus (or none at all?) result in fear automatically? unavoidably? See the spider —> Instant terror?

Or is there an opportunity for you to influence whether the ‘fear’ switch gets activated?

Your conception of fear will have much to do with your relationship to fear. Is fear something that controls you? Stops you from doing what you want? Maybe makes you do things you don’t?

Is it a partner in your life? Or a tool?

Or, is fear something that you manage?

Can you make a choice about your relationship to fear? Can you have a ‘define the relationship’ talk with fear? Can you change that relationship? Or is it simply ‘the way it is’?

What about your experience of fear? If you had never heard the word ‘fear’ until today…If you had never seen someone else label an action or response with or as a result of fear, what would your experience of fear be? How does it feel?

Where does it move or live in your body? If you had to describe the experience of the feeling with a shape and a color, which colors or shapes would you use to compare it to?

Does it feel cold or hot? Instant or slow-to-develop?

Your experience is unique in the entire world.

I want to share a bit of my journey with fear.

I grew up in a family where most people, but definitely the men, didn’t really have or at least show emotions. The only place it was acceptable for a man to cry was at the pulpit when talking about Jesus or his family maybe.

Besides that, I had two men in my life both of whose feelings I never saw.

I started reading pop psych materials at a young age due to my mom’s library and found that there were these things called emotions.

I didn’t feel them, though. I thought that I was ‘beyond’ emotions until my 30’s.

I thought I was courageous. I could do things that terrified others such as public speaking and living alone in a foreign country and it didn’t bother me.

In truth, I didn’t really have much of a relationship to my fear at all. As a result, I did things that were scary and also that were foolish and felt little emotional response to any of it.

My emotions weren’t handled or processed. They were just repressed. And, ironically, they ran my life.

I was afraid of being alone—but I didn’t know it—so I committed to relationships that didn’t serve me and stayed in them much longer than served either of us.

I was afraid of my father’s alienation. So I kept my professional accomplishments below his.

I was afraid of rejection by my spiritual community and God. So I denied my true feelings and needs.

But I wasn’t aware of any of that.

It wasn’t until I started getting body-based therapies that I felt my emotions for the first time.

And when I finally felt them, it was like getting hit by a tsunami.

When I felt anger, I didn’t feel anger. I felt RAGE. It felt as if feeling it would KILL someone or destroy the world.

I didn’t just feel sadness. I felt inconsolable anguished grief. I sobbed for hours.

I didn’t just feel fear. I felt total consuming paralyzing terror.

That’s what it felt like as I began to access these emotions. My initial impulse was to try to put them back into the bottle I had been keeping them in…they just felt too dangerous. And, I couldn’t express them to anyone I knew…it was too much! I knew they couldn’t “handle me” like that—again, more messages from my childhood.

As time progressed, I learned to access these oceans of emotion over and over, and each time I did, a piece of the total mass would release.

I did all of the cathartic screaming and pounding mattress exercises that body-based psychotherapy teaches. I also learned to sit with extreme emotions like sadness or jealousy for hours until the energy purged from my body.

I thought I was doing well.

But life still wasn’t giving me the results I wanted. Blaming outside me didn’t change things, so I looked even more deeply inward.

A powerful coach and dear friend told me last year: “You need to get control of your anger or it will block everything you want to do.” I wondered what he meant.

He had triggered my ‘daddy rage’ and I had unsuccessfully tried to hide it from him.

After working for months with my anger—I will share that story more deeply later—I found fear underneath it.

More paralyzing fear.

I had known for a couple years that I both desired and felt called to do certain things. But I hadn’t…I hadn’t even tried in nearly the way that I wanted.

And other parts of my life still weren’t where I wanted them to be. I suspected fear might be the culprit there was well.

And so I examined my conception of, relationship to, and experience of fear.

When I really dug, I saw many ‘clues’ that there was fear messing with my life in all sorts of places:

  1. I let my family interact with me in ways that didn’t feel good to me without correcting them.
  2. Nervous habits and tics always seemed to haunt me.
  3. Professional and financial results were not good.
  4. Physical tension existed for no explainable reason.

…just as some examples.

Fear seemed like this amorphous, non-corporeal thing, though. How could it be that non-physical and still ‘run’ so much of my life? How could I sort through it, let it go and live a life if not completely without, then with dramatically less fear?

It was then I began to consider that I might be at fault or responsible in some way for the fear within me. This was a breakthrough thought.

Was it possible that I had chosen to use fear as a mechanism to deal with my life and that it was simply serving in this role? If that was the case, could I simply choose not to put fear in this role anymore—remove from fear the job of running so much of my life and find some other way to live?

With these and other questions and yet no idea where else to start, I began focusing my consciousness on fear. The way I did that was to pray.

So I began asking God for three things:

  1. To forgive me for my fear and being fearful. This came from the assumption that at some point I had *chosen* fear as a guide and major support in my life and that that decision was either a mistake OR that this decision had outlived its usefulness.
  2. To heal me from fear. Assuming that, at least in the form that it was in, the fear was not saving or protecting me from anything but was like a wound that was preventing me from living the life I wanted.
  3. To release me from the repercussions of fear. I began to see how all the fear that I had stored in my body had created a cascade of results and effects that were often the opposite of those I had intended and desired. I wanted all those reversed as well.

When I pray like this, I focus my consciousness intensely on these topics or desires or wishes for a long time. To focus that energy, sometimes I kneel. I look for a position that reminds me of what I am doing and to keep me focused.

As I do so, I feel into the experience of the emotion within my body. In this case, I sensed that focusing on fear tended to draw my attention to a sharp pain and dull ache in my pelvis area. Therefore, I would ‘direct’ my attention at that part of my body while repeating the focused prayers over and over.

I did this for several days in a row for an hour or more at a time.

As I did so, I felt many sensations pass through my body. Especially my pelvis. I received insights and ideas about my challenges and issues.

I felt things shifting in that physical/energetic space within my body and most of the pain ‘released’. I also felt what I can only explain as a ‘lightness’ replacing the heaviness and discomfort.

I also sensed and experienced external changes:

  1. I said ‘no’ to people in situations where I would have remained silent before.
  2. Less tension in my body. Pops and cracks that happened every morning just weren’t there anymore.
  3. I started expressing myself professionally in ways that I hadn’t before.

I wasn’t ‘forcing’ any of this. It seemed to be happening as a result of adding consciousness/praying in this area about this thing.

These effects and this experience indicated that:

  1. Yes. Both the chronic fear which I have stored as tension as well as the situation-based fear that pops up when I try to leave my comfort zone are not unassailable biological truths but based on conscious decisions (some of which since I forgot and they became unconscious) to harbor and experience fear as a misguided attempt at protection.
  2. Because I had decided at some point to experience and ‘hold’ fear as a tool or experience in my body, I could also decide to uncreate that experience, release the fear and live life without chronic and situation-based fears.

As I take responsibility and ‘ask for help’ to ‘fear not’, fear has stopped being such a key driving force in my life.

Asking for help also allowed me to develop a healthy humility of how fear was interacting with my life and help me heal in ways I didn’t understand and could not have forseen.

The further I go down this path, the less emotions look like things that ‘happen to me’ or burdens I must suffer (or make others suffer) but conscious decisions or mechanisms that I utilize in order to get the results I want in life, but which sometimes result in unintended consequences.

I look forward to exploring my relationship to fear more deeply as I continue this process.


Discovering energy medicine and alternative healing was a quantum leap for me. I was able to find healing for chronic sinus infections and other health challenges that had plagued me for years, and which the best of ‘conventional medicine’ had not been able to heal.

I now regularly give and receive energy healing sessions whenever I have an issue. For example, in September of last year, I was faced with debilitating back pain. I literally collapsed when I tried to stand up!

I began a regimen of intense energetic healing and now that pain is completely gone.

But how far can we go  with healing? What represents “healing” or “true wholeness”?

I have been pushing the boundaries of healing for several years now, looking for the limits.

What if you decided to heal *everything* that you considered unwhole? Not just the things that ‘doctors couldn’t handle’. What if you received seven or ten times as much healing as you would normally receive from any alternative practitioner? What would that look like?

What would the effects be?

From this past September through February, I received over 100 energy healing sessions from a dear friend. The healing began to go so much deeper than my initial pain. It began to penetrate into the deeper layers of my psyche and emotions. Generational issues began to resolve. I began to learn to trust and connect to others in ways that I never had before.

‘Incurable’ disease began to to disappear. Finances improved. Life in total began to shift tremendously.

How far can we go?

I don’t know. What if we spent hours every day in healing and wholeness? What would the result be?

Why is this such a difficult question to even ask?

Because of our expectations of what *is* healthy? Healed? Complete?

Maybe we need to move the goal posts completely.

Maybe, we ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

Achieving Climax: When Orgasm Doesn’t Come Easily


Ecstasy is Necessary!Join Kate as she tells us about her path to orgasm after 34 years and how she got more than she bargained for!

There is so much to learn from this interview about her experience, the causes of ‘anorgasmia’, how to move through it, what happens along the way, and what life is like after getting there.

This was so fun to record!

Learn more about the program at:


What I “See”

EnergyI have really been cautious about those “weirdos” like tarot readers, astrologists, numerologists, and so on for pretty much, well, ever.

Until it dawned on me I *was* one of those weirdos.

When I went to my first John Hawken 1 tantra training week, he gathered everyone into groups of ten, asked one person to stand in the middle and everyone else to tell that person what they saw, physically and energetically.

Then he commented on every person as well.

I was mystified. He took one look at you and told you about your parents, your emotional patterns, your current life situation, how you usually solve problems, (and how that wasn’t working) and what your current areas of growth were.

He did all this without you saying anything.

How did he do this? He was reading (and interpreting) two things that I didn’t know existed up to that point.

#1: Energy

#2: Body structure a la Wilhelm Reich

When I saw him do that–and be pretty much right on the money–as just about everyone agreed with him 2–I said, “I want to learn to do that.”

So, I spent the next three years following him and cultivating these abilities. 3

I had a ‘knack’ for it. And eventually, I was able to see the same things.

But, for some weird reason, it took me a long time to let people know that.

Maybe it was because it was too ‘woo-woo’, weird, or ‘out there’?

Perhaps because I am super conscious of all the hucksters and con men (and women) who prey on others, claiming ‘esoteric knowledge’.

But the fact is, these types of things are very accepted by numerous cultures who are a hell of a lot happier and healthier than we are. They have names for energy – “chi, prana, ki”. And they have scientifically-proven systems of moving and balancing the energy (acupressure, acupuncture) that really heal things.

And, the further I go down the rabbit-hole, the more these things are screaming at me with every deeper encounter. So it became the elephant in the room.

Some people can see tumors or interior lesions. My particular specialty is seeing relationship and, ‘life energy’ patterns.

Meaning, I get information about the questions:

  • “How are you living and moving in your life, and how is that affecting your emotions and well-being?” and
  • “How are your interactions with some other person (usually spouse or long-term partner) affecting your life energy and the results you get in the world?”

Imagine it like the Ghost of Christmas Future coming to you and saying, “If you don’t change your ways, you will end up where you’re going! (like Marley)”. Sometimes it’s like that.

Which, I suppose, is why I gravitated to a teacher who had a similar gift and talent.

Once I began to see more and more clearly, 4 I discovered and began implementing the other two ‘parts’ of my gift.

Which were: verbalizing and describing what I saw and ‘moving’ the energy (or providing exercises to move the energy) to get different results in health, relationships, money, or whatever.

I’ll write about those both in other articles.

  1. The first time I met him, the first sentence out of his mouth was, “You are a point of consciousness and a flow of energy.” And I was captivated. Something deep inside me said, “This is what you have been looking for your whole life.” More on this in other articles.
  2. And even if they didn’t, the other people in the group said, “Oh yeah, you’re TOTALLY like that!”
  3. As well as dealing with my own shame, guilt, fear, and beliefs around sexuality and pleasure AND learning the conceptual frameworks of people like Reich who used to map this stuff
  4. actually, this gift had been with me since I was a teen who friends came to for relationship advice

Gentle Healing for Giant Results

Peaceful is necessary!Preamble

Often, we are trying to solve problems by ‘direct, head-on attack’. We even do this in healing. Sometimes this is called the ‘masculine’ method.

If you want to learn about the ‘other’ side of healing and influence, this article is about what else is possible.

Table of Contents

Healing with ‘Force’

“When I speak to practitioners of TCM[1] , they often tell me: ‘When I work in ‘yang’, people really enjoy it. When I begin to work to balance their ‘yin’, they stop coming.”

– Shantam Nityama

The hammer crashed down on the steel frame with an ear–splitting ‘clang!’. The steel bent slightly with each blow. At least, that is what I was experiencing.

But the hammer was a “healing” practitioner and the frame was a soft, pliable human being. I was at a healing event. And the ‘healer’ was showing us how he did his miracles.

I had to leave the room.

“Why was this happening?”

“And why wasn’t anyone feeling what I was feeling?” Or screaming, “Stop!” like I wanted to?

I was attending a “healing” event — and it made me think. Though this rough clanking was in actuality a form of energetic ‘healing’, it reminded me a lot of Rolfing.

Imagine a 200 lb man pressing down with his total weight on a very sensitive spot on your hip with his elbow while you scream and he says over and over, “Just a little more!”.

That’s what Rolfing is.

In Rolfing, a practitioner literally tears your fascia with force to correct body misalignments.

It is incredibly painful.

And, while one walks out of each session with immediate, powerful changes in posture, my experience was that, in the long term, my body simply returned to its previous, ‘bad’ posture.

Rolfing, like most forms of healing that have found their way into the Western world, embraces a strong “yang” mindset that most of our culture is very focused on.

This mindset is expressed like this: a direct frontal assault on the problem will be best to solve it. Attack!

Drugs. Surgery. Radiation. These are direct, powerful assaults.

Not to say that there aren’t times that require direct measures. But they are not the only path.

And, unfortunately, they are often ineffective.

Kind of like how ‘killing all the bad guys’ has never rid the world of bad guys.

The perspective can be expanded.

I found this myself after I endured several operations to ‘solve’ my illnesses which were not only ineffective in solving my issues, but detrimental to my health in the long term.

In desperation, I considered alternative paths to healing. These paths I found had been obfuscated and showed me how much of ‘conventional healing’ does the opposite of what it claims for patients, attacking symptoms instead of resolving issues at their core.

Back to the Evening

In the ‘healing event’, I watched this practitioner do the equivalent of smashing a hammer on each person’s energetic field over and over until it was ‘bent’ into shape.

There is certainly a time for force.

However, there are two ways to use energy:

  1. Direct pushing against the thing that isn’t ‘right’.
  2. Opening space for the cause of the supposed ‘problem’ so that the system can correct itself.

The first method, I refer to as the ‘masculine’ or ‘yang’ method of problem solving.

The second method I refer to as the ‘yin’ or ‘feminine’[2] method.

Just as almost every invention and scientific breakthrough happened while looking for something else entirely[3], or how great inventors, musicians, and artists have received inspiration and guidance in dreams or through the power of the subconscious mind, so also healing take places best often when it happens outside the realms of conscious thought or understanding or direct pushing or fighting against symptoms, either physically or energetically.

“The feminine way is 1000 times more powerful than the masculine way. This is why not only women, but men utilize it if they are wise in solving problems.”

– Shantam Nityama

Ninety–nine of us ‘force’ a “problem” to be fixed for every one who opens a space for healing to happen. And there is a lot of pressure to do that. We live in a ‘yang–focused’ society. People understand the yang. It’s preached and focused on. People get yang. They want results! Quickly! With the minimum time passing and money spent. Pop a pill and be done with it!

People don’t get yin.

There is another problem as well.

When most of us go into a “Yin” field, we don’t like what we find.

It’s not your usual pro–active, powerful, accomplishing self.

It’s your soft, gentle, flexible, introspective, inviting core.

We are constantly given examples of how applying the most force to the situation solves it. We have few examples of how opening to the energy present in a situation allows it to solve itself.

But that is what this type of healing is about. Creating a space for the mind, body, emotions, and spirit to fill. In their own time and in their own way.

When we begin to step into that space, we open for things beyond our intellectual understanding to happen.

We open the reversal of the feelings → tension → repression → storage → emotions process.

What ‘is’ is allowed to come out.

Let me in to Yin! (Why we don’t go there)

There are even more reasons why few of us have access to the ‘yin’ space of healing. Some of them are cultural, some have to do with our language. Some are maybe just part of being human. Here are a few examples.

This is a nonverbal space.

My first, most powerful teacher in the concepts of yin taught a whole course called ‘The Human Voice’ without speaking any words.

It was difficult for my mind to follow the course, because he didn’t address me how I was used to being addressed — through my mind. He didn’t explain things. Reason them out. He didn’t use logic and comparison to explain them.

He demonstrated. He observed. And he responded. All without words.

In the realm of yin, words are often unnecessary and almost always a hinderance. Just as technical explanations of how to have sex probably would ‘kill’ the experience, when working in yin, words often get in the way. In yin, words are often stumbling blocks to connection instead of bridges of meaning.

Since we have been conditioned to approach almost everything in life from a space of words, logic, and reason, any space that does not utilize these as primary interfaces into reality and the other [person] might seem foreign, strange, and even frightening for us.

This is also why our sex lives and relationships generally do not satisfy[4]. What happens in relationships is mostly about energy and only slightly about words. Until we understand energy, we have difficulty enjoying relationships as deeply as we could.

We don’t have ‘safe maps’ in ‘yin space’

Because we don’t have much experience with the concepts and experiences of ‘yin’, we don’t really understand how to navigate spaces and experiences that are ‘yin heavy’.

Most of us feel like tourists there in a country with a language we don’t understand. Or like we’re at dance class for the first time.

Everything is unfamiliar and we feel like we’re not doing it right.

Our ‘Work ethic’ attacks!

We are taught to ‘work hard’ and ‘earn’ what we receive. However, in this space, we often sit and wait for things to happen. Just like plants grow — we cannot force them to grow, but must be patient until the fruits present themselves and ripen.

No amount of force will turn sunlight into strawberries.

Doing ‘nothing’, ‘waiting’ for inspiration, or at least being open to act on it when it arrives feels lazy[5]. We don’t want others to see us there.

If takes great courage to sit on a park bench for an hour or two and just observe. Or to sit silently while the world around you rushes by. You might be declared useless. You might worry about income. But these are the spaces where yin opens most effectively to us.

Yin just “feels good” — is that ok?

Jesus taught, “Consider the lilies of the field.” They don’t sow nor harvest. They just are. Most animals mainly enjoy[6] life, lounge about, and do nothing particularly ‘productive’ or ‘efficient’. Yet nature runs beautifully and perfectly, regardless of the “catastrophes” that have visited it over and over.

This is the space of yin. We can’t brag to our friends about it. We can’t pat ourselves on the back while we are in it. But if we want to live in harmony with nature, we will drink deeply from the space of yin.

In moments where we enjoy a sunset or a waterfall, we access this place. We leaving worry and concern for another time. And yet we feel guilty if we spend too much time here.

What if we abandoned that guilt? If we did, we could go here more deeply and more often.

The ‘mind’ is on holiday

The mind is always looking to find ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Do we go toward this? Or away from it? Is it dangerous? Or useful? Painful? Or pleasurable?

When the mind has no such labels to apply, it doesn’t know what to do. It enters a space of ‘not knowing’. And that feels scary when we are trained that our minds[7] are the sources of all our knowledge and safety.

This is the space children live in. They don’t have preconceptions about others. They follow their natural inclinations, explore, and pretty much do just fine without ‘knowing’ whether things are ‘safe’ or ‘unsafe’[8].

They don’t yet understand that things need to be classified and organized in order to avoid danger. They just live.

Nature has no morality. Nor virtues. Yet we call it beautiful. Compare it to your average city, and the preference is clear for most.

We don’t feel protected

In the world of yin, we haven’t identified threats and opportunities. We move by feeling, attraction. Or repulsion.

These come not from the mind, but from the energetic structures of our souls[9] and have no words.

Armor is useless here. Our armor prevents things from happening to us that we won’t enjoy. It has served us well, hasn’t it? Armorless space feels quite dangerous. But only to the knight used to wearing it.

Who am I here?

We use our personalities and identities to define who we are, which groups we ‘belong to’, which will protect us and make us ‘not alone’. These are our shields.

But in yin, we lose these. We become ourselves — without identities, or groups — or even a fixed personality.

We become endlessly flexible. In yin we sing and dance with abandon — which is why so many of us use drugs or alcohol to get here when our ‘rational self’ will not allow us to enjoy it.

We might lose the ‘protection’ of knowing who we are and who our tribe is, but we gain a much greater freedom.

We don’t know what to believe

Because we need words to form beliefs, in yin, beliefs become very difficult to grasp and hold onto. We have experience of now and energy as our guide, and not our fixed definitions from the past — our beliefs.

in yin we move beyond concepts and words.

In a space of yin openness, the mind frantically searches in vain for beliefs as anchors.

Without beliefs to guide our actions, how will we know what to do?

But do we have a choice?

There are challenges in connecting deeply with our yin/receptive/open nature. No wonder so few of us find this space. And why we often feel exhausted, overworked, depressed, afraid, isolated, trapped, and lonely — regardless of our bank account size, relationship status, or level of ‘success’.

Eventually, we will see that the things we are ‘doing’ to ‘solve our problems’ are not working, nor will they work even if we put in 10x the effort or 10x as many resources.

It is my belief that, eventually, we will turn to this natural, hidden energetic component out of sheer necessity — as I did. And then what we want to ‘accomplish’ will appear is if by magic.

Back to Healing

I began this article speaking about healing. A hammer ‘forcing’ things into place.

I spoke about why we accept “hard” and direct forms quite easily. Why our minds have difficulty understanding the other half of the healing equation. Why it’s sometimes challenging to make money, run a practice, or help people when we are focusing on things our society doesn’t understand.

And yet, I feel called to hold the banner for the indescribable[10]. To put out a call for those who are looking for another way…a path of soft invitation, of deep breath and swirling feeling, a place within themselves that simply softly receives the majesty of the universe without trumpets or fanfare. Because happiness and healing is to be found here, long term, much more powerfully than in any other way.

Getting to Yin

I stumbled upon methods to find this place through grace. Several minor miracles opened me to this energy and I found some guides and teachers to help me develop this aspect of myself.

Here are a few steps I can recommend to begin to open to this energy in yourself.

Cultivate your ability to receive

Book massages and bodywork sessions where you are ‘passive’. Also, consider relaxation recordings and guided meditations where you simply ‘listen and receive’ instead of having to ‘do anything’.

Become a Sense–uality Explorer

The senses are pathways or receptivity — the key component of yin. As such, consciously enjoy smells, colors and images and using all of your physical senses to explore and receive.

When we are ‘putting energy out there’, we are not noticing all that is coming in. The sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and even sensations that are ‘giving’ to us in every moment.

Slowing down and creating space to ‘experience’ a sunrise, our favorite music, or a during a walk in the woods all open us to that soft, yielding, receptive ‘yin’ space.

Try “Yin–focused” Healing arts

After moving through the ‘harder/yang’ forms of alternative healing, I have found several systems that feel more gentle, and that seem more powerful as well.

CranioSacral therapy (CST) is a ‘yin’ form of healing. Rather than using manual force to ‘move bones back into the right places’, CST opens and holds space and waits for the body to regulate itself. This is just one example of such a healing modality — various types of massage have already been suggested. And there will be others as well.

Explore Receptive Meditations

Meditation is a basic method that, in the way I practice and teach[11] it, opens us to yin, allows us to receive what the body is experiencing without judgement or labels, and allows the body to move through what it is experiencing without us ‘thinking’ about it.

Any form of meditation that is focused on receiving, noticing, or yielding can be useful in helping us get into our yin space.

Play the Yin/Yang Game

“There are only two sources of conflict in every relationship. The first is: Who is in charge?…”

– Paraphrased from ‘Eat, Pray, Love’

The yin/yang game is one way to create a space in which you can be both an active/creating participant and a passive/receptive one.

The way it works is: two people pick a space of time to play the game. They divide the time equally.

In the first half of the time, the first person decides what happens. They can ask for anything (pending approval by the partner, of course) and get it.

After their time, they switch, and do it again.

Rather than ‘compromising’ or ‘fighting for control’, each person agrees to follow half the time, and lead half the time.

Revelations in long–term partnerships when playing this game can be immense. But even strangers can play this game with amazing results.

Be Creative

Any creative experience — but especially the ‘nonsensical ones’ can be a great doorway into ‘receiving’ and translating input from our subconscious mind — which often has great access to yin.

Drawing, painting, singing (without words!), dancing (without predetermined steps!) and a hundred other creative actions can all help us dive into a connection with our yin.

There are, of course, other ways to connect to yin. These can get you started into finding that ‘empty space of power’ that yin holds.

Benefits of Connecting Deeply to Yin

When we balance our yin/receptivity/”feminine” qualities, we have a more relaxed, hopeful, open view of life. We are more accepting, joyful, and allow life to happen without making it bad or wrong.

Or even good!

Relationship ‘issues’, health crises, and even money ‘problems’ often disappear or improve — without us ‘even trying’.

Results in my life have been:

  • feeling more balanced
  • being able to focus more deeply
  • stronger, more useful intuition
  • better relating with others
  • less worry and stress
  • more connection with myself

…in addition to the other benefits I have described in this article.


I began with healing, but applying the energy and ideas of yin to the rest of our lives will enable a quite different world.

No more burnout. No more exhaustion. No more “not being enough”.

Enjoying the moment. Connecting deeply and enjoying ourselves.

Enjoying deep, meaningful, ‘effortless’ change and watching that paradigm spread to heal the world.

I believe the ideas and experiences of yin hold the secrets to “solving” many of the greatest issues facing our relationships, personal lives, and societies.

Willing to give it a try?

Feel free to contact me with questions or comments.

  1. Traditional Chinese Medicine  ↩
  2. Feminine and masculine give people images and are often used to refer to these energies and methods. However, they are neither ‘male’ nor ‘female’ nor are limited to either gender.  ↩
  3. Look at the history of white out, post–its, nuclear weapons, etc.  ↩
  4. – More single households than ever. Men Going their Own Way movement. Radical feminism. Google it.  ↩
  5. A mental construct  ↩
  6. The belief that life is scary, dangerous, or short comes from our limited perceptions and fears of reality.  ↩
  7. If you don’t know the eastern concept of mind, study up.  ↩
  8. Even in the artificial world we have created.  ↩
  9. For lack of more technical terminology!  ↩
  10. As in “I really have no words to describe it!”  ↩
  11.  ↩