Category Archives: Healing

1:1 Sessions

Normally, I only work together 1:1 in very long term programs, but for the next couple weeks/months, I am offering a few individual sessions.

And, these aren’t your typical 1:1 sessions.

They have 3 parts.

My 3 rules apply for all of them for efficiency and effectiveness!

First: We meet for 30 mins to talk about your goals for the upcoming session and otherwise. We talk about what I believe will help you which we will do in the next meeting in two days. I give you homework.

Then: We meet 48 hours later for the actual session. This is 4 hours of focused work together. It can include some element of H.E.D. as well as any of the other modalities that may be helpful. We will talk about this in the previous meeting. You receive homework or stay with what you received already.

Finally: 48 hours later, we meet again to follow up on your progress, answer any questions you may have, and discuss next steps.

These sessions can happen live or via Zoom or phone.

You have unlimited e-mail and messenger ( access to me for 30 days from the first 30 min session. More e-mail and messenger support is available at a reduced fee or with another session.

Contact me if you are interested.


Use Your HED to Get Ahead

Nothing makes me more sad than to see someone with tremendous potential be unable to achieve that.

Especially if that person could make a shift in the way we views and experiences sexuality, pleasure, and eroticism–which I consider the key to freedom for each of us and all of us.

I share here how we get in our own way to prevent our healing and transformation and success and how to get beyond that.

You are powerful.

Destined for great things. And you have your own mind.

And, that can be a problem problem, right there.

You find yourself locked in thinking and behavioral patterns that you know aren’t serving you, but you haven’t found a way out, whether that’s a solution to pain of aloneness or to the next level of your professional career.

Despite all the work you have done. All the coaching and mentors and therapists and healers and workshops and programs and books.

You’re still stuck. Maybe financially and professionally. Or with relationships. Or both.

But what if…

… Your mind went instantly silent, any time it needed to? And you had full access to your creativity, insight, and genius just like when you were a child?

… Your body experienced orgasmic bliss all the time? And you could use this arousal and turn-on to smash through problems? find greater patience and confidence and growth? and get what you want?

… You always knew what to do. You never needed to think or worry about or wonder what the next step was?

Sound too good to be true?

I have met many women who seem unable to reach their goals with conventional or even alternative healing techniques. This led me onto the very unbeaten path.

I studied the most powerful techniques of change and influence that have been used by everything from PR firms, to the CIA, to cults, to professional dominatrixes, and con artists.

Some of these techniques of manipulation, influence, and even control seem abhorrent and shocking.

And they are.

If they are used to manipulate people into doing things against their best interests.

However, if you take the same ideas and techniques that are used to manipulate and enslave people and “play them backwards”, as it were, you can free yourself–fast.

And so, I have asked myself, “If I took the gloves off and used the most powerful techniques for change and development that I have discovered–what would I do?”

Thus my HED system was born.

H.E.D. stands for H.ypnosis, E.roticism, and D.omination.

I have learned many energetic and physical modalities. But these three catalyze the deepest most powerful transformation when:

  • Everything else seems to have failed
  • The blocks which need to be healed feel impossible to dissolve
  • The distance to your dreams feels impossibly far away

When we apply these, I have found we have the best chance and greatest leverage for powerful change and success.

I’ve described in detail how the program works and why here.

If you’d like to talk about using our “HED” to get to the next level of healing and accomplishment, contact me at

Migraines / Migraine Headaches

Migraines, reviled universally as a despotic and hated evil of creation are actually an opportunity and invitation.

Ironically, for healing.

In contrast to a cold or a flu, a migraine is a very specific, targeted, powerful healing invitation.

The invitation can be attacked, ignored, scorned, or accepted and loved.

I once read an article many years ago–back when the internet was full of people presenting valuable knowledge for free instead of being overcome by the marketers.

They described some very intense healing methods, such as body electronics (for healing teeth) and bathing in hot sauce and mustard mixtures and then wrapping yourself in sheets dipped in ice water and watching as they changed colors, drinking a lot of water and switching the sheets from time to time.

This could trigger a healing crisis that could last for up to 12 hours.

Another was being strapped against the wall and having firehoses blasted against you…

I remember a quote from the article well:

“Nowadays many people would consider these intensive healing methods. I guess back then people considered dying ‘intense’.”

Now we live in comfort and luxury–anything to prevent discomfort. This path is not diametrically opposed to growth but we are missing some key components.

I have had many migraines without benefiting. However, my last 6 migraines (including 2 on one day) have all changed me permanently in a good way.

By opening up to them (instead of fighting them) and accepting the gift they offered, each one ‘changed’ something inside me–my thinking and build-up of the world–in a profoundly positive and powerful way.

I knew they were triggered by working out “excessively”…and yet I “consciously” triggered them over and over to get the gifts they had.

It was kind of like doing an ayuausca journey without flying to Peru.

Welcoming, embracing, and experiencing the gift that every ‘illness’ brings fosters tremendous growth.

So, what can you do when a migraine attacks?

  1. Of course, you know how to take care of yourself best, so start with that.
  2. BREATHE. Deeply. It sounds/feels like I am hyperventilating when I get a migraine. This helps “move” the pain for me.
  3. Make noise. Try moaning or even screaming and yelling…another path for moving pain energy. Most of us do the exact opposite, getting quiet. Try this instead.
  4. Hot baths/showers. In between stomach issues and hot/cold sweats, I make myself a bath (or 2) during a migraine episode. For me, it is helpful.
  5. OPEN to the message of the migraine. Ask, “Why are you here?”, “What are you trying to tell me?”, “What is it I can learn from this?” — This key has made all the difference for me. Saying a prayer of surrender in acceptance rather than cursing the experience has opened me to supernal learnings. This applies to any illness, discomfort, or dis-ease by the way.

As I wrote above, with all the purging and pain (and even visual artifacts), a migraine for me has become a spiritual initiation much like an ayuausca journey. And, as I integrate the messages from each one, perhaps the ‘messenger’ will need to visit less often. That has been my hope, and, at least partially, my experience.

Do you suffer from migraines? Would you like to share your thoughts and feelings? What are they like for you? What has helped?

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Trusting the Child, Inside and Out

[This is potentially triggering. I feel these ideas are very important to discuss and yet our world has taboos even about this conversation. I ask that you approach this person’s experience free from what you have been programmed to think about the topic and instead consider their experience from their perspective.

I received a very specific e-mail which I am going to quote and discuss. I recommend caution if you do not want to be confronted with themes of sexuality and youth.]

I have some questions:

  1. When are we old enough to have ‘preferences’? To know what we want and don’t want?
  2. When do our preferences count? And when should they be overridden by society and family?
  3. Are there topics that society is so much wiser about that we need to bow to its authority and fall in line–regardless of whether we agree or enjoy or not? Which ones? And why?

A friend wrote me this mail:

“Well this is an odd thank you email that you’re probably going to laugh about. When I was 13 I had sex with an older guy. I was so embarrassed I hid it from everyone. I buried it deep. I denied it. It caused me so much pain. Well, when I was using one of your videos (I believe it was called “The Pleasure Room”.) [He’s mentioning a guided meditation I once created that suggest recalling a pleasurable past experience with no other context.] I actually could smell him and taste him again. And I relived the experience. What it taught me is I was NOT molested. I was not a victim. I was a victim of my upbringing, not of the relationship I had with another male. It took many years of therapy that never worked and then couple of your videos that so worked. You changed my life for the better. Just wanted to say thank you. No longer a victim.” – D.

This is an adult man speaking.

In our world, we include sexuality as one of those things that young people’s preferences don’t really matter about. We know more than they do.

Is that true, though?

What percentage of adults have sex with the exact right people all the time for their growth and happiness or any other goal they might have?

How many adults can tell another adult exactly the right person to engage with sexually for their happiness and success?

When does this magical information suddenly infuse into them?

What is the evidence?

I want to propose something that might seem blasphemous:

The degree to which we don’t trust anyone (age irrelevant) to know their preferences, wishes, and desires is the the degree to which we do not trust our own [inner child’s] ability to know what we want.

This goes along with the entire violence-based paradigm that we live within. In our world, it is acceptable to use shame, blame, guilt, threats, punishments, and rewards to keep people in line. And yet, do we end up doing more damage fighting and punishing the behaviors we ‘know’ are bad than we are preventing?

200 years ago, it was clear to ‘civilization’ that black people aren’t really people, so we can use them as property.

100 years ago, it was clear to ‘civilization’ that women weren’t really people. They were property–either of their fathers or husbands. We knew what was best for them and it was OK to punish them if they got out of line.

Today, it is clear that children aren’t really people–yet. They are property of their parents. We know what’s best for them and it’s ok to make them do things or punish them if they get out of line.

See the progression? What do you think we will all know in 100 years from now?

Despite the fact that we have child prodigies and inventors and 12-year-olds attending college, we don’t consider children to be able to know what they want in the field of touch.

Nor do we have any structures or training to help them find out.

Instead we have demonization and shaming and guilting and pearl-clutching whenever the subject is broached.

I remember my mother intensely castigating me whenever I ‘touched myself’ as a child. What kind of message do you think I got about my sexuality and my genitals?

Now, do they need information? Sure. They will ask questions and look for it.

Remember the three questions above? When do they apply to the field of touch? (And sexual touch is another form of touch communication.)

When do people become free or enlightened or wise enough to choose what should happen with their own bodies?

I see newborns powerfully object when their physical and touch needs are violated. I see them respond powerfully when they are.

Can it be that we are born knowing what we want and what is good for us? And that society denies and takes away our right to ask for and get what we want in this most important area of life?

Overcoming Fear

We just got done with Christmas. In the Bible, the story is told of ‘shepherds in the field, keeping watch over their flocks by night. And the angel of the Lord appeared to them and they were “sore [very] afraid”.’

And then the angel says something interesting. He says, “Fear not…”

Now, is that a fair request or command?

Can the shepherds choose whether seeing a glorious heavenly personage makes them afraid or not?

I didn’t used to think so. If someone says “boo!’ we have to go “aaahhhh!”. If I see a spider, I have to feel a jolt. If I lose my keys, I must worry. And if I think about seeing my father after failing….

But is that true?

Do I have any control over my emotions?

I ask because this because the answer to that question will give you information about your conception of emotions.

How do you think about emotions?

You might view your emotions as part of the machine of you. You have ideas about what lever pushes what button that triggers fear to happen. Or what happens once fear is ‘triggered’.

Your conception probably came from childhood and might have a lot to do with your parents.

Does a certain stimulus (or none at all?) result in fear automatically? unavoidably? See the spider —> Instant terror?

Or is there an opportunity for you to influence whether the ‘fear’ switch gets activated?

Your conception of fear will have much to do with your relationship to fear. Is fear something that controls you? Stops you from doing what you want? Maybe makes you do things you don’t?

Is it a partner in your life? Or a tool?

Or, is fear something that you manage?

Can you make a choice about your relationship to fear? Can you have a ‘define the relationship’ talk with fear? Can you change that relationship? Or is it simply ‘the way it is’?

What about your experience of fear? If you had never heard the word ‘fear’ until today…If you had never seen someone else label an action or response with or as a result of fear, what would your experience of fear be? How does it feel?

Where does it move or live in your body? If you had to describe the experience of the feeling with a shape and a color, which colors or shapes would you use to compare it to?

Does it feel cold or hot? Instant or slow-to-develop?

Your experience is unique in the entire world.

I want to share a bit of my journey with fear.

I grew up in a family where most people, but definitely the men, didn’t really have or at least show emotions. The only place it was acceptable for a man to cry was at the pulpit when talking about Jesus or his family maybe.

Besides that, I had two men in my life both of whose feelings I never saw.

I started reading pop psych materials at a young age due to my mom’s library and found that there were these things called emotions.

I didn’t feel them, though. I thought that I was ‘beyond’ emotions until my 30’s.

I thought I was courageous. I could do things that terrified others such as public speaking and living alone in a foreign country and it didn’t bother me.

In truth, I didn’t really have much of a relationship to my fear at all. As a result, I did things that were scary and also that were foolish and felt little emotional response to any of it.

My emotions weren’t handled or processed. They were just repressed. And, ironically, they ran my life.

I was afraid of being alone—but I didn’t know it—so I committed to relationships that didn’t serve me and stayed in them much longer than served either of us.

I was afraid of my father’s alienation. So I kept my professional accomplishments below his.

I was afraid of rejection by my spiritual community and God. So I denied my true feelings and needs.

But I wasn’t aware of any of that.

It wasn’t until I started getting body-based therapies that I felt my emotions for the first time.

And when I finally felt them, it was like getting hit by a tsunami.

When I felt anger, I didn’t feel anger. I felt RAGE. It felt as if feeling it would KILL someone or destroy the world.

I didn’t just feel sadness. I felt inconsolable anguished grief. I sobbed for hours.

I didn’t just feel fear. I felt total consuming paralyzing terror.

That’s what it felt like as I began to access these emotions. My initial impulse was to try to put them back into the bottle I had been keeping them in…they just felt too dangerous. And, I couldn’t express them to anyone I knew…it was too much! I knew they couldn’t “handle me” like that—again, more messages from my childhood.

As time progressed, I learned to access these oceans of emotion over and over, and each time I did, a piece of the total mass would release.

I did all of the cathartic screaming and pounding mattress exercises that body-based psychotherapy teaches. I also learned to sit with extreme emotions like sadness or jealousy for hours until the energy purged from my body.

I thought I was doing well.

But life still wasn’t giving me the results I wanted. Blaming outside me didn’t change things, so I looked even more deeply inward.

A powerful coach and dear friend told me last year: “You need to get control of your anger or it will block everything you want to do.” I wondered what he meant.

He had triggered my ‘daddy rage’ and I had unsuccessfully tried to hide it from him.

After working for months with my anger—I will share that story more deeply later—I found fear underneath it.

More paralyzing fear.

I had known for a couple years that I both desired and felt called to do certain things. But I hadn’t…I hadn’t even tried in nearly the way that I wanted.

And other parts of my life still weren’t where I wanted them to be. I suspected fear might be the culprit there was well.

And so I examined my conception of, relationship to, and experience of fear.

When I really dug, I saw many ‘clues’ that there was fear messing with my life in all sorts of places:

  1. I let my family interact with me in ways that didn’t feel good to me without correcting them.
  2. Nervous habits and tics always seemed to haunt me.
  3. Professional and financial results were not good.
  4. Physical tension existed for no explainable reason.

…just as some examples.

Fear seemed like this amorphous, non-corporeal thing, though. How could it be that non-physical and still ‘run’ so much of my life? How could I sort through it, let it go and live a life if not completely without, then with dramatically less fear?

It was then I began to consider that I might be at fault or responsible in some way for the fear within me. This was a breakthrough thought.

Was it possible that I had chosen to use fear as a mechanism to deal with my life and that it was simply serving in this role? If that was the case, could I simply choose not to put fear in this role anymore—remove from fear the job of running so much of my life and find some other way to live?

With these and other questions and yet no idea where else to start, I began focusing my consciousness on fear. The way I did that was to pray.

So I began asking God for three things:

  1. To forgive me for my fear and being fearful. This came from the assumption that at some point I had *chosen* fear as a guide and major support in my life and that that decision was either a mistake OR that this decision had outlived its usefulness.
  2. To heal me from fear. Assuming that, at least in the form that it was in, the fear was not saving or protecting me from anything but was like a wound that was preventing me from living the life I wanted.
  3. To release me from the repercussions of fear. I began to see how all the fear that I had stored in my body had created a cascade of results and effects that were often the opposite of those I had intended and desired. I wanted all those reversed as well.

When I pray like this, I focus my consciousness intensely on these topics or desires or wishes for a long time. To focus that energy, sometimes I kneel. I look for a position that reminds me of what I am doing and to keep me focused.

As I do so, I feel into the experience of the emotion within my body. In this case, I sensed that focusing on fear tended to draw my attention to a sharp pain and dull ache in my pelvis area. Therefore, I would ‘direct’ my attention at that part of my body while repeating the focused prayers over and over.

I did this for several days in a row for an hour or more at a time.

As I did so, I felt many sensations pass through my body. Especially my pelvis. I received insights and ideas about my challenges and issues.

I felt things shifting in that physical/energetic space within my body and most of the pain ‘released’. I also felt what I can only explain as a ‘lightness’ replacing the heaviness and discomfort.

I also sensed and experienced external changes:

  1. I said ‘no’ to people in situations where I would have remained silent before.
  2. Less tension in my body. Pops and cracks that happened every morning just weren’t there anymore.
  3. I started expressing myself professionally in ways that I hadn’t before.

I wasn’t ‘forcing’ any of this. It seemed to be happening as a result of adding consciousness/praying in this area about this thing.

These effects and this experience indicated that:

  1. Yes. Both the chronic fear which I have stored as tension as well as the situation-based fear that pops up when I try to leave my comfort zone are not unassailable biological truths but based on conscious decisions (some of which since I forgot and they became unconscious) to harbor and experience fear as a misguided attempt at protection.
  2. Because I had decided at some point to experience and ‘hold’ fear as a tool or experience in my body, I could also decide to uncreate that experience, release the fear and live life without chronic and situation-based fears.

As I take responsibility and ‘ask for help’ to ‘fear not’, fear has stopped being such a key driving force in my life.

Asking for help also allowed me to develop a healthy humility of how fear was interacting with my life and help me heal in ways I didn’t understand and could not have forseen.

The further I go down this path, the less emotions look like things that ‘happen to me’ or burdens I must suffer (or make others suffer) but conscious decisions or mechanisms that I utilize in order to get the results I want in life, but which sometimes result in unintended consequences.

I look forward to exploring my relationship to fear more deeply as I continue this process.


Discovering energy medicine and alternative healing was a quantum leap for me. I was able to find healing for chronic sinus infections and other health challenges that had plagued me for years, and which the best of ‘conventional medicine’ had not been able to heal.

I now regularly give and receive energy healing sessions whenever I have an issue. For example, in September of last year, I was faced with debilitating back pain. I literally collapsed when I tried to stand up!

I began a regimen of intense energetic healing and now that pain is completely gone.

But how far can we go  with healing? What represents “healing” or “true wholeness”?

I have been pushing the boundaries of healing for several years now, looking for the limits.

What if you decided to heal *everything* that you considered unwhole? Not just the things that ‘doctors couldn’t handle’. What if you received seven or ten times as much healing as you would normally receive from any alternative practitioner? What would that look like?

What would the effects be?

From this past September through February, I received over 100 energy healing sessions from a dear friend. The healing began to go so much deeper than my initial pain. It began to penetrate into the deeper layers of my psyche and emotions. Generational issues began to resolve. I began to learn to trust and connect to others in ways that I never had before.

‘Incurable’ disease began to to disappear. Finances improved. Life in total began to shift tremendously.

How far can we go?

I don’t know. What if we spent hours every day in healing and wholeness? What would the result be?

Why is this such a difficult question to even ask?

Because of our expectations of what *is* healthy? Healed? Complete?

Maybe we need to move the goal posts completely.

Maybe, we ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

Achieving Climax: When Orgasm Doesn’t Come Easily


Ecstasy is Necessary!Join Kate as she tells us about her path to orgasm after 34 years and how she got more than she bargained for!

There is so much to learn from this interview about her experience, the causes of ‘anorgasmia’, how to move through it, what happens along the way, and what life is like after getting there.

This was so fun to record!

Learn more about the program at:


What I “See”

EnergyI have really been cautious about those “weirdos” like tarot readers, astrologists, numerologists, and so on for pretty much, well, ever.

Until it dawned on me I *was* one of those weirdos.

When I went to my first John Hawken 1 tantra training week, he gathered everyone into groups of ten, asked one person to stand in the middle and everyone else to tell that person what they saw, physically and energetically.

Then he commented on every person as well.

I was mystified. He took one look at you and told you about your parents, your emotional patterns, your current life situation, how you usually solve problems, (and how that wasn’t working) and what your current areas of growth were.

He did all this without you saying anything.

How did he do this? He was reading (and interpreting) two things that I didn’t know existed up to that point.

#1: Energy

#2: Body structure a la Wilhelm Reich

When I saw him do that–and be pretty much right on the money–as just about everyone agreed with him 2–I said, “I want to learn to do that.”

So, I spent the next three years following him and cultivating these abilities. 3

I had a ‘knack’ for it. And eventually, I was able to see the same things.

But, for some weird reason, it took me a long time to let people know that.

Maybe it was because it was too ‘woo-woo’, weird, or ‘out there’?

Perhaps because I am super conscious of all the hucksters and con men (and women) who prey on others, claiming ‘esoteric knowledge’.

But the fact is, these types of things are very accepted by numerous cultures who are a hell of a lot happier and healthier than we are. They have names for energy – “chi, prana, ki”. And they have scientifically-proven systems of moving and balancing the energy (acupressure, acupuncture) that really heal things.

And, the further I go down the rabbit-hole, the more these things are screaming at me with every deeper encounter. So it became the elephant in the room.

Some people can see tumors or interior lesions. My particular specialty is seeing relationship and, ‘life energy’ patterns.

Meaning, I get information about the questions:

  • “How are you living and moving in your life, and how is that affecting your emotions and well-being?” and
  • “How are your interactions with some other person (usually spouse or long-term partner) affecting your life energy and the results you get in the world?”

Imagine it like the Ghost of Christmas Future coming to you and saying, “If you don’t change your ways, you will end up where you’re going! (like Marley)”. Sometimes it’s like that.

Which, I suppose, is why I gravitated to a teacher who had a similar gift and talent.

Once I began to see more and more clearly, 4 I discovered and began implementing the other two ‘parts’ of my gift.

Which were: verbalizing and describing what I saw and ‘moving’ the energy (or providing exercises to move the energy) to get different results in health, relationships, money, or whatever.

I’ll write about those both in other articles.

  1. The first time I met him, the first sentence out of his mouth was, “You are a point of consciousness and a flow of energy.” And I was captivated. Something deep inside me said, “This is what you have been looking for your whole life.” More on this in other articles.
  2. And even if they didn’t, the other people in the group said, “Oh yeah, you’re TOTALLY like that!”
  3. As well as dealing with my own shame, guilt, fear, and beliefs around sexuality and pleasure AND learning the conceptual frameworks of people like Reich who used to map this stuff
  4. actually, this gift had been with me since I was a teen who friends came to for relationship advice