Category Archives: Energy

So Flippin’ Happy! – One Woman’s Journey

When she and I first met, the energy that flowed between us was incredible.

Mind reading.

Finishing each others’ sentences.

A dramatic pull to each other…so much that she had to say, “We have to make sure we don’t use all of each others’ time!”

Chakras aligned. Energies were exchanged.

We had a call every week and I felt that energy shift through the weeks.

Then, she invited me to come stay at her place for awhile. Ostensibly to “coach me every day on the situation with my son”.

Later the goals became:

  1. Stop taking responsibility/feeling responsible for other people.
  2. Get back into flow! [Erotically, orgasmically, etc.]
  3. Make $10k/month (since revised to $50k)

I had expected the energy to continue flowing.

Was. I. Ever. Wrong.

No energy flowing here!

She said, “Every guy falls in love with me. I hate that I can’t have any normal friendships with men. They all want to have sex with me!”

Difficult problem to have. One that many of you can relate to.

Some other issues for her:

  • The ex was terrorizing — “I want him dead!” “I tremble whenever he calls.”
  • One child didn’t want to go to school and it was a tremendous battle to make that happen every day.
  • The boyfriend had been asked to move out. His kids were frustrating her. They had a “can’t live with you can’t live without you” thing going, because of her rather intimate profession.
  • Aforementioned problem with male friends
  • Business was doing OK, and the vision was much bigger

Some things she said:

  • “I have to take care of everything and clean up after everyone.”
  • “I have to be responsible for and take care of everyone.”
  • “Women are oppressed and have to take care of everything.”
  • “Men are selfish and predatory.” [Belief examination]
  • “My relationship can’t go on like this.”
  • “By the time I get him [son] out of bed and to school, my energy for the entire day is spent. He doesn’t do anything. He doesn’t cooperate at all.”
  • “I have a greater vision for my work, but I don’t know how to make it happen.”

After a month of work every weekday (around 20 hours together so far) with:

  • Karpman drama triangle
  • NVC / Perfect Relating
  • Emotional processing
  • “Tell me” game (on emotional topics)
  • Mantras
  • Self-empathy meditation
  • Mediation sessions
  • “Just jumping into the middle of conversations”
  • Her own shamanic journeying
  • Tantric energy circle practice
  • Hypnosis
  • Dominance/submission
  • Coaching/mentoring and collaboration

Where are we now?

  1. The ex no longer feels like a monster. Just a person with feelings and needs that I can work with to get what I want. (They even laughed together on the phone!)
  2. A new educational solution was found for her son. She stopped ‘making him’ go to school and found something better. Found out what he needed and wanted.
  3. She learned how to collaborate with him to get his support for what she needed.
  4. She had a lot more help around the house–“I no longer feel like I have to run around cleaning up after people.” [Hasn’t said exactly that yet, but it’s coming.]
  5. Found some ideas to continue the deep loving relationship with the boyfriend that gets both their needs met.

All this despite:

  • Kids getting sick and/or just staying home
  • An extra two kids every other weekend
  • An already full schedule when we started
  • Space constraints

Most importantly, I felt her heart again today! We were exchanging energy.

The thing that felt dangerous, forbidden, scary to her she opened to…probably for the first time in a long time. Emotional intimacy is happening.

Her comment (with tears) today:

“I didn’t realize how much I don’t allow myself to receive!”

Yes. And you don’t, until you begin opening to receiving and you realize that:

  1. The struggle is optional.
  2. The world isn’t against you.
  3. People want to love and support you.
  4. There is abundance and not scarcity of what we need.

The energetic flow (see goal #2 above) Has been partially restored. It feels like the key for all the rest.

Here we go! Wish us luck for all the rest!

 

 

 

 

Why You Need to Understand Energy (for Better Sex)

If you are taking the EPS program for men, you will see that I am framing many of our conversations in terms of energy.

This is intentional.

“Without an understanding of energy as the basis for pleasure (and more) in life, your pleasure potential will be limited.” – Me

We are not talking just about ‘calories’ energy–though obviously that is also important. We are talking about chi, prana, orgone…those types of energy that Shaolin and Buddhist monks and yogis use to do things that seem miraculous.

There is a video of a woman swimming in freezing water with whales. That is done via energy.

Creating orgasms without touch (or speaking) can be done via energy.

So, I will teach you energy.

Be patient! This is a language that is denied and repressed by our culture. It will take you time to understand how it works and how to channel it for greater pleasure for your partner and yourself.

 

Hyper-Healing

Discovering energy medicine and alternative healing was a quantum leap for me. I was able to find healing for chronic sinus infections and other health challenges that had plagued me for years, and which the best of ‘conventional medicine’ had not been able to heal.

I now regularly give and receive energy healing sessions whenever I have an issue. For example, in September of last year, I was faced with debilitating back pain. I literally collapsed when I tried to stand up!

I began a regimen of intense energetic healing and now that pain is completely gone.

But how far can we go  with healing? What represents “healing” or “true wholeness”?

I have been pushing the boundaries of healing for several years now, looking for the limits.

What if you decided to heal *everything* that you considered unwhole? Not just the things that ‘doctors couldn’t handle’. What if you received seven or ten times as much healing as you would normally receive from any alternative practitioner? What would that look like?

What would the effects be?

From this past September through February, I received over 100 energy healing sessions from a dear friend. The healing began to go so much deeper than my initial pain. It began to penetrate into the deeper layers of my psyche and emotions. Generational issues began to resolve. I began to learn to trust and connect to others in ways that I never had before.

‘Incurable’ disease began to to disappear. Finances improved. Life in total began to shift tremendously.

How far can we go?

I don’t know. What if we spent hours every day in healing and wholeness? What would the result be?

Why is this such a difficult question to even ask?

Because of our expectations of what *is* healthy? Healed? Complete?

Maybe we need to move the goal posts completely.

Maybe, we ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

Closed and Open Chakras

Sometimes, certain spiritual teachers will talk about having chakras that are open or closed. What does this mean?

If love is outward expansion 1 and fear–its opposite–is inward contraction, going from general whole-body outward contraction to examining both what part of the body(‘s energy field) is contracting inwardly (and thus, in fear) could explain what is meant by individual chakras being open or closed.

Contrary to what many of us might think, having chakras that are open or closed isn’t just about receiving. It’s also about giving–free interplay of energies and flow out and in of that ‘body element’, as outward expansion (ie, love) indicates a flow of that energy to the universe/others from us.

 

  1. Thank you Jason Roberts.

How I found out I was Weird

I was always a bit of an unusual kid. I was having ‘adult conversations’ at 3 years old, according to the neighbors.

At their urging, mom had me ‘tested’. “Gifted.”

The psychologist said something interesting, “He’s going to marry a woman older than he is.” I was six.

He was right. Both times.

When I was young, I wanted to know this “God guy”, any way I could. In my tradition, that involved lots of journaling and studying the holy books. So I did. Minimum a half an hour a day from 14 years old.

At age 19, I left on my mission. Maybe you can guess the religion already.

The beginning was horrible. I hated it. But when I was there, they told me to “Follow the Holy Spirit” which they likened to a ‘still, small voice”.

So, I started to try it out…

You’ve got to realize, as a missionary in Germany, you can knock on doors for hours without ever being allowed in. Especially in little towns where everyone knew who you were.

So, what did we do?

One day, we decided to follow this ‘Holy Spirit’. We said a prayer, asking God to tell us which people would open the door for us.

Then we stood in front of one of these things.

CA_01_0704

Actually, there were about 10 of them in a row. And we said, “Ok, God! Show us which entrance to go into!”

My mission partner and I looked at the first and second entrances. Didn’t feel ‘right’. The third one? Yes.

We went in.

There were about 8 floors of 6 apartments each. Again we did that ‘feel inside’ thing. Up or down?

We went up to the top.

Then we asked again. This floor? Nope.

We went down two floors. There, it felt right.

Which door? Again we asked.

Finally, we picked a door.

And we knocked.

And we were immediately let in and gave a ‘missionary presentation’.

HOLY &^%$!

That was like winning the lottery. That was…impossible by any standard of my experience of months and months of going door to door.

And yet it happened.

After that, I started to have fun.

I would do my best to ‘tune in’ and just kind of ‘followed my insides’.

I talked to people on the bus. I spoke to people on the street. Instead of feeling wooden and fake, I started feeling alive and ‘connected’.

I even started having other ‘strange experiences’. We would pray for people by laying-on-of-hands and just kind of ‘say’ whatever we were ‘moved’ to. Most of the time, it was rather generic.

But now, I started to get “information” about the person when I touched them. I started to sense really personal stuff about their relationships , their health. I felt some sort of ‘internal pressure’ to counsel them. So I would tell them about what I ‘saw’.

And often, they were surprised about the accuracy of the ‘advice’.

Life went on. I did the things that the ‘voice inside’ told me to do, as much as I could.

I was so serious about my spirituality and, I imagine, the higher-ups were so impressed with me on some level that I was made a local leader at 24. Meaning, I was running the show for over 100 people and basically was calling all the shots for the group.

This was almost unheard of at that age. Usually this position is held by a mid-40’s lawyer or doctor with children.

It was intimidating. I continued to ‘feel things’ and act that way.

One Sunday, a visiting higher-up said, “You know. It’s interesting what I experience in this church. The powerful spiritual feelings I get once in awhile when visiting other churches, I get every time I’m here.”

I don’t think I told him that I was getting ‘information’ about everything: Who should speak when, what songs to sing, planning the details most of the time.

I also began to ‘speak’ from this energy. I just stood up and, without prepared notes, began to teach and speak. Often I would say things I didn’t know. Someone would say, “Wow! That was amazing!” and I would reply, “Give the glory to God, I was just as blown away as you were!”

And then, one day, the Voice told me to leave.

Drop my religion of 27 years. Just…quit.

“Seriously??” I asked.

‘Yup’, said God. Or whatever this Voice was.

And so I did. This was one of the most difficult times in my life. It was like abandoning everything I had ever been raised to understand and count on…just because of an internal feeling.

I had always been cautioned that happiness was only to be found in the Church. Immediately I got a much better job, making double what I had been making before. My spiritual ‘stagnancy’ that I had felt for a long time lifted, and I began feeling like I was growing and learning again.

That experience I will talk about more another time.

Once I left, I began studying other religions and spiritual traditions.

I started learning spiritual healing and ‘psychic healing’. In one exercise, we were instructed to hold someone’s head (whom we had never met) and silently repeat the ‘mantra’ that our intuition gave us.

I believe the mantra was, “I have clarity.” I repeated the mantra over and over again silently while this person’s head rested gently in my hands.

After five minutes, she sat up and immediately said, “When we began, I was so confused. Thinking of so many things. Now everything is just…clear!”

I was blown away. Seriously? What was that? How did that happen? Again, it was a very very unlikely coincidence.

 

 

What I “See”

EnergyI have really been cautious about those “weirdos” like tarot readers, astrologists, numerologists, and so on for pretty much, well, ever.

Until it dawned on me I *was* one of those weirdos.

When I went to my first John Hawken 1 tantra training week, he gathered everyone into groups of ten, asked one person to stand in the middle and everyone else to tell that person what they saw, physically and energetically.

Then he commented on every person as well.

I was mystified. He took one look at you and told you about your parents, your emotional patterns, your current life situation, how you usually solve problems, (and how that wasn’t working) and what your current areas of growth were.

He did all this without you saying anything.

How did he do this? He was reading (and interpreting) two things that I didn’t know existed up to that point.

#1: Energy

#2: Body structure a la Wilhelm Reich

When I saw him do that–and be pretty much right on the money–as just about everyone agreed with him 2–I said, “I want to learn to do that.”

So, I spent the next three years following him and cultivating these abilities. 3

I had a ‘knack’ for it. And eventually, I was able to see the same things.

But, for some weird reason, it took me a long time to let people know that.

Maybe it was because it was too ‘woo-woo’, weird, or ‘out there’?

Perhaps because I am super conscious of all the hucksters and con men (and women) who prey on others, claiming ‘esoteric knowledge’.

But the fact is, these types of things are very accepted by numerous cultures who are a hell of a lot happier and healthier than we are. They have names for energy – “chi, prana, ki”. And they have scientifically-proven systems of moving and balancing the energy (acupressure, acupuncture) that really heal things.

And, the further I go down the rabbit-hole, the more these things are screaming at me with every deeper encounter. So it became the elephant in the room.

Some people can see tumors or interior lesions. My particular specialty is seeing relationship and, ‘life energy’ patterns.

Meaning, I get information about the questions:

  • “How are you living and moving in your life, and how is that affecting your emotions and well-being?” and
  • “How are your interactions with some other person (usually spouse or long-term partner) affecting your life energy and the results you get in the world?”

Imagine it like the Ghost of Christmas Future coming to you and saying, “If you don’t change your ways, you will end up where you’re going! (like Marley)”. Sometimes it’s like that.

Which, I suppose, is why I gravitated to a teacher who had a similar gift and talent.

Once I began to see more and more clearly, 4 I discovered and began implementing the other two ‘parts’ of my gift.

Which were: verbalizing and describing what I saw and ‘moving’ the energy (or providing exercises to move the energy) to get different results in health, relationships, money, or whatever.

I’ll write about those both in other articles.

  1. The first time I met him, the first sentence out of his mouth was, “You are a point of consciousness and a flow of energy.” And I was captivated. Something deep inside me said, “This is what you have been looking for your whole life.” More on this in other articles.
  2. And even if they didn’t, the other people in the group said, “Oh yeah, you’re TOTALLY like that!”
  3. As well as dealing with my own shame, guilt, fear, and beliefs around sexuality and pleasure AND learning the conceptual frameworks of people like Reich who used to map this stuff
  4. actually, this gift had been with me since I was a teen who friends came to for relationship advice

Self-Empathy Meditation Instructions

NEW: Here is a link to this entire explanation and experience to listen to. The theory and explanation is below.


This technique saved my life.

That is not an exaggeration.

This is the most important practice I can possibly recommend.

#1

It is also the shortest one I have found to peace, healing, and happiness.

STOP!

Most people will read this page, think ‘oh that’s nice’ and move on.

Don’t do that.

TRY IT!!

Ok?

Good.

Let’s move on.

What is this hyper-valuable technique I am so excited about? (And not just me…here’s what people say about the results in their lives: amazing sex, better sleep, better relationships, better health, the results go on and on.)

I call this the Self-Empathy Meditation.

You might ask: “What is ‘self-empathy’? And why do I need any kind of meditation?”

How we Got this Way

Most of us are cut off from the experience of being in our bodies. We don’t really feel how we feel. We are absorbed in trance and thought most of the day, and don’t notice all of the messages our bodies are sending us, whether those are aches and pains, tension, or feelings and emotions.

These are some reasons:

  • We are discouraged from expressing needs and emotions as children.
  • We probably never were given time and space to feel and express our feelings as we grew up. Instead, our behaviors were judged and we were punished or rewarded accordingly. We were taught that feelings were ‘beside the point’.
  • We are told we need to be ‘productive’.
  • We are afraid of what pains and aches might mean.

As a result, when we get tired, we drink coffee. When we get sad, we eat chocolate or drink alcohol. When we have a headache, we take a pill and keep working.

If these become habits to constantly plaster over our feelings, eventually we develop illness, our relationships collapse, we develop dis-ease, or we go through some other form of crises.

I wish you none of these.

This process undoes these effects.

What is Self-Empathy?

Empathy is the process of understanding and relating to someone’s feelings.  In self-empathy we are learning to relate to our own feelings.

And not just to our feelings, but to our physical sensations as well.

Our sensations and our feelings are the building blocks of our us-ness. Before you could speak and before you could walk, you could feel and sense things with your body.

When you were hungry or cold or felt alone, you could cry and express that your body wasn’t comfortable.

Ironically, this ability that you were born with has been trained out of you as you got older.

And, because of all the reasons I named, you have to actually practice giving yourself empathy now.

Most people wait for a financial or medical or relational crisis to shake them up and force them to pay attention to themselves.

If you find yourself in crisis, now is the perfect time to start. If you aren’t in crisis, it’s a great time to start so that you can avoid as much crisis as possible.

What is Meditation?

My definition of meditation is simple. It’s simply ‘being in the here and now’.

When we meditate, we connect to what’s actually happening with our bodies. Are we suffering? In pain? Relaxed? Peaceful? Is there discomfort in your body? Or tension? Right now?

What about emotion?

Become aware of that.

When we meditate, we are not:

  • Worrying about what might happen in the future
  • Thinking about what happened in the past

We let go of all we have to do and all that we have “messed up”, “failed at”, or “gotten wrong”.

As simple as that sounds, it is very very difficult in practice.

Especially at first.

If you are used to plastering over anything uncomfortable that is happening, (which I compare to putting black electrical tape over your dashboard warning lights) when you begin to listen to your body, all sorts of sensations and feelings that you have been repressing (through distraction or medication) will all begin to bubble up at once.

When first began to meditate I felt:

…as if I was locked in my head with a dozen crazy people babbling at me.

I wanted OUT.

Every feeling told me to stop.

But I didn’t. And, as I said, that has made all the difference.

In addition, the forms of meditation that are usually taught don’t work as well for me. I tried at least a dozen forms of meditation before I intuitively started using this method.

It has the advantage of being perhaps the easiest meditation that you can do as a beginner, and it can yield incredible results for ‘advanced meditators’ (!) as well.

What I Got

I said earlier that this meditation saved my life. I don’t know what might have happened if I hadn’t discovered it, but it became the path for me to finally, really live.

I put together a list of all the things that have changed in my life as a result of what this practice brought to me here.

As you can see, there is some pretty major stuff there.

Excited yet?

Putting it Together

Using our previous definitions, Self-Empathy Meditation boils down to: “Being in the Here and Now to Understand and Relate to your Feelings and Sensations“.

Simple? Maybe.

Easy? No.

But very, very worth it.

I promise.

Getting Started

I want to explain to you how to get started in the process. I have tried to make the instructions as simple as possible, but, if you have any questions or challenges, feel free to contact me.

I believe that, whatever your goals, the path to peace in this world individually and collectively would be massively served by as many people as possible practicing this or a similar method of self-enquiry.

In fact, as Tim Ferris notes, almost every top performer uses some method of meditation to accomplish what they do.

Ok. Are you ready?

Great! Let’s start.

What You Will Need

  • A quiet, peaceful place
  • Either: A firm place to lie down or a firm, straight-backed chair. If you choose or need to lie down for the process, I recommend either a yoga mat on the floor, or on a towel with carpet.
  • A timer
  • No distractions
  • Temperature that works for you (possibly a blanket if you are on the floor.)
  • A journal to record your experiences

Ready? Set? Stop!

Here are the actual steps of the process.

  1. Set your timer for 1+ minutes.
    You can start with a minute and work up. I haven’t found a maximum time. You will feel what is right for you.
  2. Assume the position!
    Lie down flat on a comfortable, firm space in a quiet place where you will not be disturbed. Put a towel, yoga mat, or blanket on the floor rather than using a bed or couch (I have found that if the surface is too soft, we tend to fall asleep, which is great–just not meditation!). If you are lying down, keep your knees bent and your feet flat on the floor. Or, you may also sit upright on a firm chair with your back away from the chair and your knees at a 90-degree angle to the floor. [For yogis, use a meditation cushion or chair if you want].
  3. Take a few deep, slow breaths.
  4. As you breathe, bring your attention to where there is the most pain, discomfort, or tightness in your body.
    Shoulders feel tense? Or belly pain? Or face tight? Wherever you notice the most tension, pain, or discomfort, breathe in and imagine you had a mouth there bringing air and energy to that place.
  5. As you put your attention on that tight or uncomfortable place and breathe, be aware of what happens at that spot. Some possibilities are:
    • The pain/tension/discomfort gets more intense
    • The pain/tension/discomfort decreases
    • The pain/tension/discomfort (P/T/D) stays the same
    • Emotions seem to happen ‘for no reason’ (anger, sadness, joy, or fear)
    • You become aware of another place in your body where the pain/tension/discomfort is even stronger
  6. If the P/T/D gets more intense, or remains, just continue breathing into it deeply. If it decreases, eventually another place will probably become more prominent and you can switch your focus there, imagining a mouth ‘breathing in’ at that place.
  7. Continue this process until the timer goes off.
  8. After the timer goes off, slowly begin to re-orient yourself back in the space you are in, sit up, stretch, take a few breaths…and wonder at the magnificence of what you just experienced.

Congratulations! You have just experienced your first self-empathy meditation (the most basic version). To get the most out of this experience:

8. Write about the sensory experience you had. In other words, write down the exact things you felt in your body during the experience. Such as:

“At first, I noticed some tightness in my chest. It relaxed eventually. Then I felt a pain on the right side of my neck. As I focused on it, it became more intense but then subsided. At this point, I was aware of a dull throbbing in my left temple….”

And so on. Simply *observe and report* what your senses are telling you.

Do not, either during the meditation or when journaling about it:

  • Analyze the experience (“I think it must have been because of my accident earlier”)
  • Speak in generalities (“I wasn’t really feeling good” instead –> “I had a throbbing on my left temple when I started.” )
  • Concern yourself with thoughts (“My report that was due in an hour….”) [unless they feel like ‘breakthrough insights’]
  • Evaluate the experience (“This must mean that I need to forgive my father”)

Simply record your neutral, sensory observations.

Again: Here is a link to this entire explanation and experience to listen to.


How was it? Tell me. Also, if you have any questions or comments, let me know and I will answer them for you.

Once you have done it a few times and are ready for more, let me know and I will send you more advanced instructions.